Kevin 3.0 [three point oh]

see 3/16

My LSLF Bookshelf

Low Salt Cookbook, by the American Heart Association
The New American Heart Association Cookbook 25th Anniversary Edition, by the American Heart Association
The No-Salt, Lowest-Sodium Cookbook, by Donald A. Gazzaniga
Don't Eat Your Heart Out Cookbook, by Joseph C. Piscatella
The Healthy Heart Cookbook for Dummies, by James M. Rippe, M.D.

f.a.q. v3.5

What is wrong with you? Short answer: Bum Ticker -- $10 word answer: I have Congestive Heart Failure (CHF)
** Update** As of 3/24, my heart is shrinking and looking real good. It is too early to tell functionality, but the congestion is gone from my lungs and around my heart.
update: as of 11/22/04 my Ejection Fraction is estimated to be 25-30 percent! and no evidence of heart enlargement. However, there is still a lot of scar tissue, that willnot go away, and my treatment must work with that.

What is CHF? The heart is not pumping enough fluid, so it backs up into the lungs and causes congestion (cough) eventually it backs up everywhere.

How bad is yours? Pretty bad. A normal heart pumps about 60-70% of the fluid out of your heat per pump. Mine was only 12% (new lower estimate). I currently do not know post ICD. They told me its 20% as of May 14. 25-30% as of Nov 22.

How come you look so good?/are so funny? etc. Imagine if there were 100 things wrong with you and 99 of them got fixed. It is just such a relief to be able to breath, eat, BM walk, talk, laugh without discomfort, it is sometimes easy to forget my Heart is in such bad shape. Make that SuperCraptacularly Bad shape.

Who is my porn buddy? Most of my erotica is in DVD form and in a folder. I name Gina my porn buddy

Who is my silver and gold doubloon buddy? Sanders National Bank.

What happened to the five and dime Jimmy Dean Jimmy Dean? Ok, Crazy Talk. - Next question please

When are visiting hours? At my folks, call first. Once I get home, call first. Hmm a theme. I promise not to screen my calls.
Do you validate parking? Yes I do, at My house, not the hospital.

I tried calling xxx-xxxx and got no answer/and/or angry man, what gives? While I can be rude, I am out of the hospital, leave the poor man alone.

I visited your room xxx and your bed was empty and name plate off the door. Are you dead? No. Not necessarily, I've been released. If you visted before, thank you, if not, you missed the very short window of opportunity (eighteen days) of Kevin 2.0

The Transplant Wing?????? , Yes I really was in the transplant wing prior to surgery. They had beds, the coronary unit did not. But hey why not get one of these rooms just in case. I'd hate to be living in the general wing, then all of a sudden need a transplant.

Do you need anything? It is not a bad idea to call and ask me before coming. Asking while leaving a visit to me is a not always efficient since needs are transient and change accordingly with prior fulfillment, see below. And I am getting a ton of guests.

A Ton? Yes I actually weighed them.

Hows the ChapStick situation? The transplant wing was very dry. My lips had become very chapped. visitors cough and I have to reassure them CHF is not catchy. I asked the nurse if there was anything I could, and was told "petroluem jelly, surgical cream and a lot of home remedies. Not being in emergency, bloody, chapped mode I declined and vowed "chapstick" would be my "need anything?" answer. Miss Joy, as she was leaving that night said she had some in her car. The next day, Nicole from Buffalo & Dad's called and the CS request was reiterated, She showed up with the following;

Blistex pro,
Dora the Explorer lip balm,
Clifford the big red dog lip balm,
Wet & Wild Megaflavors gourmet lip gloss (her personal favorite),
Starburst Tropical Punch Lip Smackers,
Spongebob Square pants lip balm,
Bob the builder lip balm, and
Bonne Bell Smackers splash and shine.

So I am set for a few days - IT WAS REALLY DRY THERE! Cute addedum to this story, as I am going through the stash, Jeffello and Christophello arrive with a Burt's Beeswax lip balm that Miss Joy gives to them, after schmearing it on her lips, then says "Kevin needs chapstick". Keep in mind, had Nicole not called, Joy would have been in first place in the Chapstick derby. It was not a competition, only an exhibition. Please no wagering.
update: I am back to buying multiple lip balms this winter, Drs. Orders!

Did you really have christmas lights in your room? They were festive party lights (parrots and palm trees, Christmas story leg lamps), also in the room fab makeover program is a feather velvet throw, a silk leopard print and blue kimono, fresh flowers in the bathroom, guest candies, flowers elswhere, musical stuffed animals, a laminated mexican jesus wallet card, DVD Player, movies computer, books, hot chocolate.

What were your other plans for the space? A Mini Bar, Cappuccino machine, more party lights, live music. These did not pan out.

How was the hospital food? Sing the "Facts of Life" (season 2-5) theme song quietly to your self.: "You take the good, you take the bad,
you take them both and there you have
The Facts of Life, the Facts of Life."
--- meanwhile..... I ordered from Mia's or Buffalo and Dad's as I saw fit. Sunday I had Tilapia, spinach, and roasted potatos to replace the hospital chicken and dumplings, translucent asparagus, broccoli. Wednesday I had chili rubbed sea scallops on a bed of asian noodles and asian slaw.

Are you insane? Yes. But no more than usual. But I was even visited by the "Employee of the month" of the psych ward.

Have you considered a Last Will & Testament? I did not get around to it before my surgery, but better believe I will in 3.0

How are you being so brave about this? Look, I lived through 3 or more heart attacks, proceeded to work very hard with CHF thinking it was Bad Asthma for 3 months, then proceeded to drive myself to the ER. I am a Grumpy Old Man (now 97.7% Grumpy Free). I'm tough, and I take my cards as dealt. I could spend a lot of time lamenting "why me?" but what does that accomplish. I am so happy to feel as great as I do as compared to the last 4 months.

You had 3 heart attacks? did you know you had them? Actually I had more than three and yes, I knew I had them, but I had laundry to do, and did not want to miss my stories.

Can you be serious? Yes, OK, I very well could remember having one when I was en flu back in December. But the drs now say, it is not possible to discern how many heart attacks I had, but most likely more than three. It is difficult to discern classic symptoms when the following things are going on; Fever, achy finger nails, nausea, loss of appetite, sleepiness, delusion, generalized ache, breathing problems, coughing fits. But I do remember a freight train on my chest and not being able to breath - that was most likely the last heart attack

What about the others? oh you mean my Burritoitis? I had 2 false alarms in the past and may have trained myself to ignore them. Although, it is not uncommon for people to not know when they had "minor" Heart attacks.

We interrupt this faq for an important notice: WARNING SIGNS OF HEART ATTACK
... Now, back to the faq

Why did you let this go on so long? The early symptoms of CHF are difficulty breathing and congestion. I had untreated asthma. I thought it was just combined with a chest cold. Once I got really treated with prescription inhalors, I realized even with my bronchial passages clear I had a hard time breathing. The swellded legs made me know something was wrong, but CHF was never an idea.

How much fluid were you retaining? Ultimately 48 pounds of fluid came off me. 5 Gallons - imagine a Home Depot Orange HOMER Bucket.

How many turkey sandwiches did you encounter during your stay?While I do not think I kept an accurate count, I estimate: eleventeen - twelfty.

What is this "Cabbage" I keep hearing about? Actually its the same as a bypass, as a pronunciation of an acronym CABG, which in turn is short for CORONARY ARTERY BYPASS GRAFTING - a fancy name for a Bypass. But the medical community uses the term CABG a lot.

What is next? I start Cardiac Rehab on the 19th. I have follow ups with my other doctors the same week. I'll be up home for a bit. But have the house monitored by the action squad.

How do you look? My chest scar is just a pale pink, a few others here and there. Two look like extra navels. I cut my hair real short, am clean shaven. People do not recognize me at the moment. My Face is so thin, I have an angular jaw line right now. My weight seems to have stabalized at 158. I can wear pants at my natural waist? They call me "Skinny Minnie" See 04/03/2004 for a picture.

How many bypasses did they do again? 5, a quintuple, a 5 spot, yes a triple plus a double. One of the minor ones may close back up though. By I think my "score" should remain 5

How did you and your parents coexist peacefully in a 2 bedroom apartment for long?We got 2 more TVs! No more will I be tortured by the 40 greatest men of country music, my dad by the Ellen Degeneres Show, or my mom by The Simpsons "Yes, ma they still make new episodes". Oh and wine. Did I mention my percosets? I've stopped drinking wine on my meds.

So you brought up the pills how many are you taking daily?including 1 vitamin, and my adderall, I am taking 12 pills a day split between morning and night, some with food and some far away from fiber. Down from 18-25

Ok so what is a porn buddy?It is the friend of yours you designate to take the "Glamour Magazines" out of your home in case you (god forbid) die suddenly. It is from the BBC series: Coupling, the joke may have made it to the short lived NBC version, I cannot remember. People really were asking me about that.

What is Lasix-spa and where can I get it? Come on people, the lasix-spa bit was a direct rip off / parody of the Anna Nicole Smith Trim Spa TV Commercial. This Dr. recommends you take a healthy dose of TVLand and report back with an infrequently asked question. For information on the dieuretic Lasix see the links above.

What is that Bionic thing you had installed? The Medtronic InSync II Marquis pacemaker defibrulator.
Disclaimer: This device is not endorsed by the boy band N'Sync

What does it do? The pacemaker portion gets my heart all beating together in one strong beat. And the defibrulator will shock my heart if it stops or beats too fast (Arrythmia, a deadly type of erratic heartbeat) for some reason.

Does it have a battery? Yes, a car battery carried by me or a lackey in a a lackey pack.

Seriously?No, the battery is sealed inside the unit and needs to be replaced in about 4-6 years (note to self, make appointment for 2008)

What is the v2.x number at the top of this faq? When I update the faq, either by deleted out of date questions or adding new ones, I will update the version number after the decimal point. Kind of like software does.

What is the purpose of this blog?It started out as a way to keep from repeating myself. Information at the hospital was changing so fast that people were constantly out of date. Some were mixing up parts of my story with other parts. My favorite remains "I heard, your asthma medication made you have a heart attack, and now you need a heart transplant". So I decided to chronicle the process. Hopefully I will end up educating or making people a little more at ease with my new condition. I have also found its pretty good therapy for me. I realize sometimes things are dull. Frankly its pretty dull around here right now. I did not want this to devolve into a symptom diary, but be a dynamic guide to what I am going through, as related to my CHF and aftermath.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, If a woodchuck could chuck wood? As much wood, as a woodchuck would, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

When will you be back to work, as usual? Although it is a difficult decision to make, I doubt I will return to my former capacity. They may have something different for me to do, I still intend on being a fixture. But I doubt I will be out front like I was.

How do people find out about this blog You! If you know me and are keeping up with this, please share it with people that may wonder. Tonight I was a raconteur, telling everything over again. It is still pretty difficult for me to rehash it all in person. I feel this blog is a pretty good account of what I have been through. Granted I do not expect casual acquaintances to expect learn about whats been going on, but it surprises me sometimes, who does not know already.

Raconteur? A person skilled in telling anecdotes. It was the name of one of my highschools yearbook: The Rebel Raconteur.

How come you do not look like you just had open heart surgery?
Make up,
no seriously, I have been recovering very quickly. The fluid has left my lungs and chest cavity. My heart is shrinking from its enlarged state. I have been ahead of the game the entire process. Most people you see having had this procedure were perhaps less robust than I. Or perhaps you just did not know they had the surgery.

Why did you sing "Achy Breaky Heart" as your karaoke come back? I wanted to make a point. I almost sang "Don't go Breaking My Heart", but its a duet, and was unsure anyone else knew it. I was not sure I could even get through this one. I sang it breaking my vow to never sing it again, after my bubba mullet halloween showcase 2 years ago. I plan to be back hosting Karaoke at Mia's when I return from home in April.

So are not on the transplant list?I am not considered a qualified transplant recipient. Sounds bad, but in medical terms its like test results coming back negative.

What is this LSLF of which you speak?It is an abreviation for Low Salt-Low Fat. Low in Salt for the Heart Failure, and low in fat for the high blood pressure, and staving off clogging the arteries.

So what is a Low Sodium Diet? A diet with less than 2000Mg of Sodium per day qualifies as a Low Sodium diet. 2400 is the current RDA for everyone, but I hear this number is scheduled do go down to the teen hundreds. The Average adult male consumes 4000-6000 mgs a day.

Then what is Low Fat? A diet where less than one third the calories come from fat. **New** for me, (2000 calories, I restrict my fat to 55g or 495 fat calories).

How do you choose, some low fat items are high in sodium, and vice versa? You cannot, just use your best judgement, do not always pick the same compromise. Go higher in sodium sometimes and fat in others. But the water retention is more easily fixed with elevation, as long as its in the legs.

Why did you make a recipe blog? I started posting my recipes all the time, and thought it would make a good separate page. LSLF Home.

What Else is Knew? I've begun looking for a job. I pretty much have to live with my low ejection fraction. Trying to make it easier on the poor thing.

I mean with the blog Recent posts are now at the top of this column, with a link to a whole knew page for each post. And I have end notes for my quotes.

What are you reading? I have many books going right now - I try to read for an hour before I go to bed.
-On the Road
-Count of Monte Cristo
-Various Nero Wolfe mysteries

What's with this "word" Kronick?Its a nickname someone is attempting to bestow on me. Like it or not? Take the poll. Just use the comment function.

What is this ©2004 k3.0 about? I plan on being published soon. Although blogs are inherently copyrighted already, I wanted to make it more explicit. k3.0 is just shorthand for Kevin 3.0. My version of j-lo.

So who will you marry this week? It all depends on those quickie Dominican divorces.

Why have you stopped posting so much? I've not had much news since my recovery peaked. Which is a good thing.

Why don't you work at Mia's anymore? Stress is a big part of my risk portfolio, and that type of work is randomly stressfull.

So what are you doing now I refer to myself as "retired", mainly because I do not look in any way to be "disabled".

Are you working at all? I am working part time at a shop. I have a permit to Drive a Taxi. I will be able to set my own hours and work only at my pace. My benefits do not quite meet my monthly budget.

Still ok on lip balm? I have had to start buying some more. I have had some major chapping going on. Such that I am washing with astringent and using neosporin to heal it. It keeps getting aggravated by citric acid and what litle salt I consume.

How much do you weight? I am now a healthy looking 184 pounds, my tummy is present, but it is not a gut. I get a lot of positive looks at the gym.