Fear and Loathing in Lexington

I've not been completely frank lately. Never wanting to make people worry without reason, I have kept a lot of my private concerns about my situation to myself. This is in stark contrast to how this all began. Today I am going to lay it all out.

In executive summary, I am going to the Dr. Today for a routine checkup. However, I had been putting off having a check up for some time. For some unknown reason, I am afraid they are going to keep me overnight. I feel the same way, as I did in 2004. Not exactly, but the unrealized dread that there is something wrong. The uncertainty of recovery. For the last several months I have been extremely lethargic. At one point I thought it could be a case of the blues. It could also have been the increased dosage of my beta-blockers. It could have been the new hours associated with driving my cab. But what gnaws at me is, what if it is my heart? Ordinarily I can jump to conclusions. I have trained myself to not be a hypochondriac.

But a few months back I had an event that caused me great concern at the time. I tripped and fell. I fell hard on my chest. The corner of my front porch hit my ICD real hard. It was hard enough to knock the wind out of me. When the stars and birds stopped flying around me, I called my cardiologist's office. The nurse I spoke to, consulted with the Dr and told me if I notice something wrong to come in. I did not notice anything. My defibrulator had never gone off, so I did not have much to go on there. The Medronic person lowered my voltage on the device, so I no longer felt the pacing of my heart. Was my awareness level high enough that I would recognize an erratic heart beat? I do not know. I would hate to have thought what would have happened if I needed the defib. and it did NOT go off. Arhythmia is fatal 50% of the time.

I kind of slid off my diet for a while, and did not watch my salt. Shame on me, I know. I have also gained weight. My quandry is what about this weight gain? Is it due to edema? I feel some swelling in my legs, but not like it was. The tenderness is there though. My gut is obvious again, is that my liver and stomach swelling like it did?

To address that, I stopped drinking again. I had not noticed ill effects with a drink here and there, but for a while I was having a few beers after work. Last time I went cold turkey, I noticed a rebound about 2-3 weeks afterwards. So I am going to keep it up again, and see if I see a marked improvement.

My Gp, Dr Cowan retired. I need to get a new GP. I have an appointment today with a potential replacement. But I am going to have him check my other vitals. My heartbeat should be text book, if the ICD is working correctly. Because of all the above, I cannot shake the feeling that I am going to be admitted to the hospital tonight.

Last time I was admitted it caught me by surprise. Not this time. I have made arrangements to have my dogs in a kennel, and for my cab to be turned into the company. In fact, it is already there. I scheduled a down day, and a maintainence check today, in case I get admitted. I did not want the cab company to have to collect my cab, in case I was admitted. I am not going s far as bringing the dogs to a kennel. They can go tomorrow if need be. I have a reservation at Bluegrass Pet Chalet for tomorrow. If I am admitted, I will call someone to have them brought out there.

I am bringing an overnight bag tot he Dr. I'll have my medicine, my book, a change of clothes and all that. The last two times I was admitted, I only had the clothes on my back. It was very inconvenient.

I will update here, if I am admitted or not. there is a computer in the hospital library.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the Red Car...]