Kevin 3.0 [three point oh]

Still around

2012-01-14T15:50:00.000-05:00

I relocated back to my home state of Minnesota. That was in August in time for my 30th HS reunion. "Go Flyers!"

As such, I had to establish care here. I decided on the Minneapolis Heart Institute. My initial appointment is next month.

Kronick aka Kevin 3.1
[...driving by in the White Car...]

Check up report

2011-06-15T12:20:00.001-04:00

H.r. 72 bpm
Icd device showed no incidents
BP.116/87

February Check up

2011-02-19T19:43:00.000-05:00

I've let myself go, I am afraid. I am still healthy overall, and much healthier than I was 7 years ago. But I am not very active. My built in motion detector only clocks me as being active about one hour a day. ONE. I could double that and still be considered lazy. That is something I need to work on.

I love the NP, Peggy I am going to now, she is no nonsense, yet has a sense of humor. She poked my belly and said "what's going on there?"

At my October meeting, she said my heart function seems to have improved another few percentage points, and according to my echo, my heart is no longer enlarged. Careful readers may remember it was about triple normal size 7 years ago.

Going over my treatment recovery, I can see a lot of things I have not done best. My exercise has lapsed, my diet is less strict, but I have been religious with my pills. I also have dealt with stress much differently in the past. These latter two are what I am giving credit to for my remarkable recovery.

Ke7in
Kronick aka Kevin 3.1[...driving by in the White Car...]

'Sex Talk' Eases Fear of Sex After Heart Attack

2010-05-22T17:02:00.000-04:00

'Sex Talk' Eases Fear of Sex After Heart Attack

This was a real issue for me.
---
and so it goes
###

Paying for healthcare.

2010-03-22T03:55:00.000-04:00

the following startedout as a simple reply/comment to a facebook status message about healthcare reform.:
-------

As a student of economics, it drives me crazy when people think they are not paying for stuff, anything. It may not be with cash money, but it usually is in the form of higher prices somewhere unexpected.

The people that are presently forced to utilize the health-care system they cannot afford, and ultimately declare bankruptcy, "Pay" for their care with the problems and perhaps self induced shame that comes with that. Everyone else pays in the form of higher prices the providers must charge to cover their "losses". Higher insurance premiums or co-pays are also charged, to those covered as a result. People with "free" insurance through work are paying for it in the form of lost wages. Nothing is free. Even if a benefactor gives away services to someone out of the goodness of his heart, that very act is the "cost" of the good feelings he earns as a result.

If they start giving out free flu shots in one window and $20 flu shots in another. Some people will choose the $20 window, because they value their time more than the people willing to wait in line. Some call it silly, but its just a difference in value systems. The Concorde flew across the Atlantic in a fraction of the time of a 747, but people paid extra for the privilege.... See More

In school, in a health finance class, a statement was made that "everyone wants universal health-care, but no one wants to pay for it". My point is we already are. Like the example I already gave but In other ways too; by the poor health or death of people too proud or stubborn to take advantage of the current system which already expects and adjusts for a certain amount of unpaid bills.

I apologize for the readers of this that say "Huh?" you just about got a lecture in economics 201. My medication kicked in, as I started this. LOL
--

Kevin Fillips <kevin3.0@gmail.com>

Perspective

2010-02-10T13:55:00.001-05:00

As I wait for my first appointment in the heart failure clinic, I am reminded how fortunate I am to be at this stage of recovery slash maintenance.

Today I agreed to take part in a sodium study. I'm jokingly going to call it cash for pee. I'm going to get money so they can analyze my urine for sodium content. It will pay $50-200 depending on what group I'm put in.

The. Visit went without a hitch.
---
Kevin,
sent by my Droid

Kevin 4.0

2009-10-15T08:04:00.001-04:00

I had a doctor appointment with my Cardiologist yesterday. In August, his assistant detected a slight murmur.

They then schefuled an echo for yesterday. My imagination went into overfrive. STINTS? CABG? BALLOONS? PIG VALVES? Darn internet LOL.

Well the results were better than expected. While "CURED" is an overstatement, due to my stability of a period greater than five years, the DR released me from his care. My followups will be with a NP in the CHF clinic. THIS IS GREAT NEWS!

As a result, I am going to be archiving this blog. This won't be the last post, however. If anything changes, I will post a followup. I also want to leave an outline for people or friends of peoplr wondering what to do.

My key beliefs are :
1) KNOWING IS BETTER THAN NOT KNOWING. The stress of not knowing but suspecting only makes things worse.
2) DO WHAT THEY SAY! Take the meficine, do the excersises, follow the eating plan. The death stats on people that don't is 100% of course we all die, but please, in our own time.

3) PAY ATTENTION but don't be a hypochondriac. This is very hard. VERY HARD! did I say hard? Near impossible,

4) If you want to reach me by email click here: FromBLOG@FILLIPS.NET
I am on TWITTER ke7in, but be warned, I pretty different when I'm on there :-)

Peace,
I love you,
GOD loves you,
please protect yourself,
----------------ke7in-k3vin
Hon. Kevin Fillips
"Half of what I say is meaningless, I say it so you will hear the other half" - K Gibran
Sent by a VZW Samsung SCH-U740 ALIAS.

Echo October

2009-09-10T18:28:00.001-04:00

at my last cardiology appointment, they heard something. Given my answers to questions about my symptoms, they were not in rush to check it out, but did make an appointment for an EKG in October. That appointment is Oct 14.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

mail order

2009-09-09T19:31:00.001-04:00

I received my first mail order pills. it takes exactly one week from ship date. in the long run its going to save me over forty bucks a month in copays

----------
Sent from my Verizon Wireless Samsung SCH-U740 device.

Trip to Cardiologist

2009-08-26T17:29:00.000-04:00

I had my visit with the cardiologist today, and I lost another 3 pounds since last week. AND I got the go ahead to restart my cardio program. But there was a murmur they want to check out with an ekg, but not for 4-6 mos. so no sense of urgency.
Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the White Car...]

Yesterdays Gen Appt

2009-06-17T23:16:00.001-04:00

I have been seeing Dr Huang every 2mos for prescription oversight.
This time I have been concerned about my weight gain. To do something
about it, I need to rule out a resurgence of my CHF. He was
reasonably certain it was fat and not fluid. So I am free to start
working it off. As a safety net, I see Dr Gurley, my cardiologist
next month. I will press for some tests as well as get my ICD read.
Yea its fat!
Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the White Car...]

I'm here

2009-02-25T22:52:00.002-05:00

Five years ago, I was not sure I would be around to write this.

People visiting me in the hospital thought they were visiting me on my death bed. There was so much uncertainty. Would I be having a heart transplant? Would I be able to live a life of relative ease? No one knew, and everything kept changing.

Of all the people involved 5 years ago, one mysterious resident sticks in my mind. She was the one that told me I may need a heart transplant. When I refused that option, she changed my mind, and I resolved to do what was necessary to keep on living. She appeared by my side each morning, until about the time, they decided to try the bipass and implant. Then she left. I do not recall her name. I also do not recall anyone else interacting with her.

Sometimes I wonder if she was heaven sent. Thinking back, she kind of talked me into keeping hope alive. When they were talking transplant, it was the only thing they felt would save my life. I was refusing that. I was not wanting to die, but felt that such an extraordinary procedure was not worthy of just me. She changed my mind, or let me think through the logic.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the White Car...]

seasonal affection

2008-12-17T21:07:00.002-05:00

Since my surgery, I have become terribly down and insecure about my health around autumn.

I had my birthday, heart event anniversary, the holidays and the shortening of daylight, all coinciding. Not knowing which was the culprit, or more likely which combination, I endured. I would make an appointment for my doctor, not feeling panicked enough to call it ER worthy, and ultimately I could not get in until late winter, like February.

This summer we planned ahead.

I had an appointment any my Cowboy Doctor gave me a good bill of health. All relative of course. In my case, not worsening. Blood pressure good etc. He doubled my anti-depressants as a precaution, and a follow up on Dec 15. But that was his day off, so the appointment was on the 12th. On the 12th, I was still pretty sure it was the 15th. The morning of the 15th I found I had missed my appointment, and now can reschedule in. You may have seen t his coming, in February. But on the plus side. The Dec appoint was to see how the 20mg was working, and it is fine. so realistically, there was no need.

and for the first time in five years, I think I am going to have a merry Christmas.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the White Car...]

Social Security

2008-11-13T10:29:00.000-05:00

Today I'm maneuvering through the claims system. I got a letter that
said I didn't return something and my benefits will be suspended. I
have had a difficult time getting here during the day. My sleep
schedule is such that I'm often asleep until after they close. I
connot make an appointment before Dec 5. So I came as a walk-in and
was triaged right away. But, I need to see a claims person. So here I
wait. I am so easily bored and am dog tired, but I have to do this.
Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the White Car...]

2-4-6 ate

2008-03-27T02:17:00.002-04:00

I'd like to admit that I was kind of feeling that my battery only lasted 4 of the 4-6 years estimated and that was somehow "bad." It makes no sense. I have no idea how the battery life is estimated. I know mine beat every single one of my beats for the four years and that is a lot of beats.

Tuesday morning the nurse told me that some people's wear down after just 2 years. So maybe I am at the average lifespan thing afterall.

None of that really matters as long as I get it checked and replaced when I need to do so.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the White Car...]

In the days of yore

2008-03-17T23:39:00.003-04:00

Its hard to believe this battery did not need charging for 4 years. Thats the kind of battery I want in a Laptop or MP3 player.

But alas tomorrow morning at 8:00 am I will be getting a new one. I understand a new unit will be installed, as they are sealed. I hope tghe old parts can be recycled for something. Maybe they'll give it to me if not. That'd make a cool what not. Somewhere I have my wisdom teeth.

_____

In just a moment, Suspense, with Edward G. Robinson.
Commercial:
Billy, the voice of a young teenager. ‘’Boy, have I got the hic-hiccups. ‘’
Hap, the father, with the voice of an avuncular old man: ‘’I’ll say you have. And the way you’re sputtering, you sound like a car that needs a set of new Autolite spark plugs.’’
Mary, the mother, in a worried tone: ‘’Now, Hap, it isn’t funny. Billy, have you tried drinking a glass of water while you hold your breath?’’
‘’Mom, I’m so full of water now I feel – hic, I feel like an Autolite Stayfull battery.’’
Mary’s voice is full of an indulgent chuckle: ‘’Men, you never take anything seriously.’’
Hap: ‘’Say, maybe what Billy needs is a hiccup, I mean a checkup, at an autolite ignition service station.’’
Billy: ‘’Might help if I could get my mind on something else.’’
Hap: ‘’Say, I know what will make you forget those hiccups and give you a bunch of thrills to boot. Switch to Autolite, Mary. It’s time for Suspense.’’
The chimes and music of Suspense.
PAUL FREES: ‘’Suspense…..Autolite, and it’s 60,000 dealers and service stations bring you, radio’s outstanding theatre of thrills. Starring tonight, Mr. Edward G. Robinson, in Anton Leader’s production of ‘’The
Man Who Wanted to Be Edward G. Robinson.’’ A tale well calculated to keep you in …suspense.’’
** The Man Who Wanted To Be Edward G. Robinson
(September 30, 1948)

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the White Car...]

Got Juice?

2008-03-09T17:06:00.000-04:00

Well, I was correct about my battery life on my ICD I knew 4 years was pretty close to its life. I bet the Energizer Bunny would like to go that long! The Medtronic tech that hooks up the machine to read my device said "You need a new battery!", my Dr. later said "your battery died." I didn't like the sound of that and questioned him and he said it was just about dead.

Replacement is scheduled for March 18. Getting a new battery sounds pretty simple enough, but when I quizzed the tech about what it entailed, she explained the device is a sealed unit. In other words they'll be removing my current one and just "slipping in" a new one. That still sounds all fine.

But then I remember the procedure for implantation requires them to induce an event to make sure it works. Of course if something would happen to go wrong, I'd rather it be in the presence of my Cardiologist! But I'm still taking this as a serious operation.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the White Van...]

All good, knock on wood

2008-03-03T15:59:00.002-05:00

I had a check up last week, and everything was fine. My Cholesterol and lipids and blood pressure and pulse, all fine. This week, I will be going to the Cardiologist to have my implant checked out. I know the battery life is coming due.

I seem to get neurotic when I have not been to the Dr. for a check up in a while. Especially around November. My Primary Care Dr and I decided to be proactive about scheduling follow ups . This time, when I wanted an appointment in November, I had to wait until February before one was open.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the White Car...]

Hippo, Birdies, 2 ewes

2007-11-12T20:50:00.001-05:00

Well here we go again, another birthday marked of on the stick. I turn 44 tomorrow the 13th. About 4 years ago, is probably when I had my big heart attack, that set me into heart failure and ultimately began this Blog in February of 2004.

Here is to many more!

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the White Car...]

Hippo Birdie 2 ewes = happy birthday to you

things are not worse

2007-01-22T17:53:00.000-05:00

Take victories as they come. A win is a win.

I was not compelled to come back tot he computer to trumpet my news from the Doc.

But things are ok. No worse than last time. I've gained 6 pounds. He did emphasize that I must work to protect what I have, as I have no lee-way. All the improvement I had after surgery and treatment, was unexpected, and has maintained itself. That is great.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the White Car...]

Three years and counting

2007-01-17T07:29:00.000-05:00

This whole experience started three years ago. At that time I knew something was wrong, but had no idea it was my heart. Today I am going to the Cardiologist and all I know is something is different. I had a check up with my GP last month, and he noted my EKG was different, and said I should probably see my Cardiologist. That appointment is this morning.

I've kind of loosened up on the regimen I started after my surgery. I had stopped excercising, and got less strict on my diet. I wonder now if that did not catch up with me? I know that it was not too bright to slack off, but did it anyway. But I follow a pattern I think. A lot of patients start to feel better with treatment, and start to think they're "cured". I see a lot of that behavior in me.

Regardless of today's results, I am started back to the cardiac rehab program - monitored. I want to get a clear go ahead from dr G. If I need to have something done, like a stint or retool of my icd, it was good to wait until after anyway.

My ICD battery is about due to be replaced anyway. I am going to ask about that too. I'll updat this blog later when I find out more.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the White Car...]

new Implant

2006-09-07T16:24:00.000-04:00

http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2004-10-18-fda-heart_x.htm
When I was first admitted to the Hospital almost three years ago, they were talking heart transplant to me. I kind of freaked out. The reason was not about having the transplant, it was about needing one. I kind of felt that was extraordinary measures to save my life. As I learned more about the program, I warmed to the idea. I had initially refused any thought of it. In a stubborn way, I felt that was a bit too much. I still need to get a living will prepared, now that I think of this. Well, you can imagine my surprise and dissapointment when a Doctor said I was not a candidate for a transplant. What a turn around, from my being opposed to one, to be dissapointed that I was not a candidate. When I asked why they said it was because I did not have insurance, and that this surgery was "elective".

I questioned this as a transplant is only considered when it is deemed the only likely way to save a person's life. Given that condition, wouldn't not electing it, be tatamount to euthanasia? Thats some bake sale. It never came to tha. But now we have the fake heart linked to above. It was worth me plunking down 75 cents for a USA Insane for that bit of good news.

Here's a morbid thought, I wonder if you can get used ones?

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the White Car...]

Health update

2006-08-26T16:53:00.000-04:00

I've become so focused on my heart disease, over the past few years. As well I should have, no doubt. But a recent experience of a friend has got me to thinking. He is a twenty year survivor of AIDS. He's fought the disease on every level. For his own health, for the health of his family. He has worked and led countless charitable organizations dedicated to the cause. He was recently diagnosed with a particularly nasty form of cancer.

He is so healthy in terms of his HIV status that they are using aggressive treatment to fight the cancer. This is the first time I have seen him weak. I've told him, he is obviously a survivor and he agreed. He just finds it so ironic that this has come close to ending his life, when for the past twenty years or so, he's been written off by society as being close to death. He said to me he is so surprised to be going this way. This reminds me of another person in a similar situation.

This lady is HIV (+) as well as having heart disease. The social stigma this poor girl feels about her HIV status, is so real, that she is doing negligible care for her heart troubles. The reason? Her obituary. I told her she may want to seek counseling, because it is pretty fatalistic to prefer one death to another, and for that a matter of fleeting interest to shut ins and biographers, that of the obituary?

I am getting to something for real. I want to start focusing on whole health. Not just heart health. I do not expect to live to be one hundred like my grandma, but I think I'll make a fantastic sexagenarian. I actually plan on being an octo, but I really like the term for 60 year olds. I need to watch what I eat and how I exercise for my heart, but I also need to focus on wellness and staying healthy.

am fortunate to not be hosting any nasty viruses, like some of the friends I've mentioned, but I am sure healthy living on my part will only help me with my life.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the White Car...]

Fillips Heart Start In Body Defibrulator

2006-07-25T17:40:00.000-04:00

I saw the mentioned device for sale at Amazon and thought to myself, got a better more compact unit inside me already... Its like I have the I-pod Nano and this thing is a Magnavox HiFi from the 1960s.

Amazon.com: Philips HeartStart Home Defibrillator (AED): Health & Personal Care: "Philips HeartStart Home Defibrillator (AED) "

medicare

2006-07-23T19:48:00.000-04:00

My Medicare kicks in August first. I have part b, and need to pick a drug plan.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the White Car...]

keeping quiet

2006-06-27T06:20:00.000-04:00

Please no one take my lack of entries as something is wrong. Go by the adage no news is good news. I started this blog when my situation was changing at almost an hourly basis, and I was updating this to keep people informed. Now that my treatment is pretty much in place, things have stablized such that I do not feel as compelled to keep things up to the minute.

I go on Medicare in August. as part of my disability. I have to pick ad drug plan that fits my condition etc. It should cut my out of pocket expenses by 65%. I am not sure how my budget will look by then. I may even be able to stop driving a cab. Don't get me wrong, I love driving a cab, but I do think it takes up my every waking hour. But I do enjoy it. I was pretty bored before I started the cab thing. I am hoping, I can be just a taxi owner and get someone else to drive it. I'll check into that option once I get my medicare drug expenses down.

Let me reiterate - I'll update if something changes. at this point everything is fine, and if I find out different I'll make sure this thing is updated.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the White Car...]

Painkillers 'double the risk of heart attacks' | the Daily Mail

2006-06-02T06:51:00.000-04:00

I am so tired of these studies. I think being alive causes cancer and heart attacks. Why? Because dead people don't get cancer nor have heart attacks.

Painkillers 'double the risk of heart attacks' | the Daily Mail

icds malfunctioning?

2006-04-26T15:59:00.000-04:00

hmmmmm for the record, mines seems to be a winner.
Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the White Car...]

No Fear

2006-04-03T16:28:00.000-04:00

I've come to realize I am looking at things far differently than I did before. I do not seem to be afraid of anything. I do not mean in a dare devil way, but in a way that I know I will be able to deal with anything that comes my way. I think a person changes when they come face to face with their Maker and realize how things are. There are things I can change and things I can avoid. I can act or react.

Recently while watching some action movies or horror films, I imagine what I would do in a similar situtation. I hold no pretense to having super powers, or being able to stop a zombie with a death blow, but I have confidence that I'll deal with it appropriately and succinctly when and if the time ever comes. I've always been fairly brave. When it comes down to menace. I was not so brave to see some test scores in grad school. But when it came to standing up to bullies in school, I did pretty well. I only got pelted once in the fourth grade and that was not even a fight. My weapon of choice has always been my mind. When faced with adversity my mind instantly clears all extraneous thought and focuses on the problem at hand. This contrasts greatly with my normal state.

While I do not see myself fighting crime or zombies any time soon. I am confidence if it comes up, I'll be able to handle it.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the White Car...]

Spring Spring Spring

2006-03-27T14:56:00.000-05:00

I bet if you are still checking this, either you are worried about me, or you are a new reader. My computer has been down for an untold number of weeks. I am at the library writing this. I have quite a few updates to make since my last confession. But I'll just have to start writing to see if they show up.

I think I have had a bout with the flu. I'm feeling a hundred times better than I was just a few weeks ago. I hit my 2 year anniversary last month, and I think I had a little PTSS going on. Or it may have been the flu. I do know, all I did was sleep and drive. Fortunately for me and my passengers, not at the same time.

A few weeks ago, I was so completely under the weather I felt close to death. Not in the heart attack way, but the influenza way. I knew there was not much to do to tough it out, once the virus took hold, but I have to say, I thought I'd be visiting Elizabeth there for a while (Reference Point: Redd Fox, Sanford & Son). Of course everything is ok, and the bug was purged. Now I feel like a million bucks, and am ready to take the world by its horns. and the Bull by a storm.

Metaphors, get your mixed metaphors here.

I should be signing up for the Medicare any day now. I have got to pick a part d provider and a part b plan possibly both, which can depend on any number of variables including which medicine I use, which medicine they cover and if it is likely they will pull any of the medicines from the list any time soon. The whole process is so daunting it makes me wonder how seniors are coping with it.

All the signs of spring are here. The robins, the daffodills, and the crazed basketball fans. Now I finally get so see daylight again. For a while in the winter I was asleep most of the day, crawling out of my cocoon, like a vampire to drive the taxi each night. Still, it is one of the most enjoyable jobs I have ever held.

too ra loora
Until next time.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the White Car...]

I've done it again.

2005-11-16T15:43:00.000-05:00

here it is. Another year gone by. Another year of age. But I was thinking about the significance of this particular age, and realized it was a profound one. 42 it the answer to the ulitimate question of the Universe. Putting deep thought into it, the answer was definately 42. If the gentle reader is unsure to what I am babbling about he-she-s/he should click here.

I am still feeling great. Doing well. and all that jazz. Life has become so easy for me I am not always prepared to dole out the details for my blog. Sure I still tire out at about 5 hours. a quick nap usually revives me. If it does not I am not worried about it. One of my Doctors gently explained to me, being sleepy is a small inconvenience compared to where I was when I began this Blog.

My birthday came and went without much fanfare on Sunday. That as by my design. Back before my surgery I did not make much out of them. Last year I hauled a bunch of friends to a festive eating place and partied like it was 1999. I wil be celebrating today however. My point in not making a big deal out of it was a return to my normal state. Its been too years since my heart began to fail, and I am now in a place where my remedies are routine and working. I do not worry about the pills like I did when I began. I just count them out and swallow them.

This reminds me of the 7 stages I discussed way early in this blog. I have finaly hit acceptance the pinnacle of the 7 stages theory. This is a good thing.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the White Car...]

Mental Schmental

2005-10-28T15:37:00.000-04:00

Its been a couple of weeks since I switched cab companies. I switched because I planned on buying my own vehicle and wanted to save some money. The company I was driving for charges about $200 more a month for their "brand" than the one I am with now. More on this cab thing later.

What I want to talk about is mental energy. If you read between m y lines, you will notice a pervailing sense of melencholy. The symptoms I describe follow very close with that of depression. Sure I took a lot of hits all at once, but the groundwork had been laid long before my dog got hit by a car, and I had to put my cat down. I do not think I shared that last fact.

Anyway, it was only after I left the red cab company and switched to the white, that I realized just how much negative energy the former had. No one was happy there. The drivers were unhappy, the dispatchers were unhappy, the managers were unhappy and even the owners were unhappy. At my new company it is like a boys and girls club. Every time I go in the office it is like "hey gang, lets go solve a mystery!" or take someone to the airport, as the case may be.

After about a week, I noticed an elevation in my general mood. Sometimes, until you are out of a situation, you do not or cannot realize how it is affecting you. I think the red cabs were bringing me down. I had no direct complaints on how I was treated. In fact I was treated like royalty there. In that I was the only driver that received noc omplaints, and paid my lease on time every day. So it had to be everyone elses mood that was bringing me down.

Two of my fellow cab buddies had long switched over, and had been lobbying hard to get me to come over. I told them over and over, I was not going to switch until I bought my own cab, and even then I was probably going to go to black. Black was the lowest priced fees in the business. Finally the owner of white called me and arranged a meeting. He asked me what it would take for me to switch to them. I told him I was going to buy my cab, and was thinking abotu black. He asked what it would take to go to white instead.

Recently I had spoke with some other drivers and it got me to thinking. When my cab is in the shop, I am essentially out of work when I own my own cab. Black is a strictly owner operator outfit, and there is no real organization. It operates like a loos confederation of cab drivers. Not unlike the CIS nee USSR. A Commonwealth of Indpendant Cab Drivers, so to speak.

When my cab is in the shop, not only will I be deprived of income, but also be racking up repair bills to boot. So, what I told him was that I would like to be able to drive a fleet car when my own was in the shop, and he agreed. I also got the company insurance included and will not have to deal with getting my own individual policy. I traded a little more money a week for a lot of peace of mind and security.

So I suspect some may be wondering how a part time cab driver scraping by on disability income can aford to buy a minivan? Credit. I have been a member of a credit union for about twenty years. I called them up and was able to secure a loan for 4.2%. This with no money down. The differnece between what I paid red cab and what I was to pay white cab amounted to $175 per week. My car payment is less than $200 a month. If you do the math, even with rounding it is easy to see I come out about $500 a month ahead each month.

But thats if everything remains the same. I really did this so I could cut back on the hours I was working. It was taking its toll I believe. I was stressing out over making my daily quota on the slow days. Such it was, I was tempted to work beyond what my body was telling me to, so that I could meet my expenses.

I have a built up a pretty large client base. I am often engaged in calls from personal clients as opposed to the general public. This is much prefered, and much safer. A lot of people worry about my picking up strangers in the night and taking them to destinations unknown. With my regulars, it is like we're on auto pilot. With my lower expense base, I can more depend on my regulars.

Once I getthe car paid off, things get even better. Now when I have a windfall day, I will be paying extra on the car. With the credit union the interest is "simple" in that there is no early pay-off penalty like with some car loans.

So anyway, I am much happier, and realize how much my mental state seems to affect my general well being.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the White Car...]

healthy

2005-10-07T16:47:00.000-04:00

I finally have my sleep habits under control. My chronic tiredness seems to be a thing of the past. It makes me wonder if to weas not a mild case of depression. Things have been looking up lately, and now is when I notice the sleep issues waning. Not to dwell on it, but it may well have been the blues. But I also know I am falling a sleep easier which I thin was the root of my chronic doziness.

My sodium counting is back on track, I realized I was "celbrating" a bit more often than once in a while. That is easy to do.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the Red Car...]

Allergy Season

2005-08-26T11:48:00.000-04:00

Here I am suffering from all those congestive heart failure symptoms. Coughing, Difficulty breathing, and sleepiness. But wait, this time it actually IS allergies. I started using my nasal spray and the symptoms promptly went away.

Well, not the sleepiness, that has more to do with the heat and the hours I keep. I get more than enough sleep a day, but not an 8 hour session in a row. 6 here and 2 there is more like it.

This reminds me how diligent I need to keep on my symptoms. A recurring problem with patients of all types is once the maintenance phase has continued long enough they start to think they are "cured". In no way do I think I am cured, but I do have to make sure I do not get complacent.

Inevitably when I write stuff like this, I get an email from my mom, reminding me to eat right or exercise enough. Or someone commiserating over the routine. But endstage CHF is so distasteful sounding to me I want to postpone it as long as possible.

Plus, I still have a lot I want to do. When I was laying in my hospital bed I kind of went over a list of things I probably would not get to do (in my Hover-round). Sure I'd get to go see the Grand Canyon, but some of the more exotic things may have been out of my reach. Travel is a big desire of mine. A big concern I have though is healthcare in case something goes awry. Will the witch doctor in oomba goomba be able to scan my ICD sufficiently? Or will he have the sufficient mixture of mashed berries and bugs to alleviate my edema? Excuse me, my dropsy.

I do not intend on living my life with regrets on what I have not done. I will not create a checklist of things I want to do. I may ponder alternate paths I could take or could have taken, but not to the point of dwell.

If I do not end this soon, I may forget to take my nasal spray which was the whole point of this.

I am thinking about starting to record some of my previous blog entries. Particularly the ones when I was so unsure of my outcome. There is an internet phenomenon called podcasting. I am looking into that possibility. I'll keep this blog informed of any developments.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the Red Car...]

Close Call

2005-08-12T14:56:00.000-04:00

Its been long enough I think I can finally commit this experience to words.

This past Monday night, I was leaving my house to make a cab run. I put Boudain, my Dachshund, on his leash as some bikes were riding by. He went nuts, which was not unusual. What was unusual is his cable snapped, and he took off running.

I went in pursuit, but knew from experience not to make it a game. After all, I had a twenty foot range of control with the cable still dragging behind him. He was down the block in a flash. He sniffed briefly at some bushes, but he clearly wanted to play chase as well as explore. He took off down the narrow shoulder of busy county road 1973, better known as Liberty Road, but accurately Liberty PIKE. Its a busy road. I called out his name as traffic was approaching, and he did the unthinkable. It should have been unwatchable. He dodged into a moving car. I heard a sickening thump, and another car swerved to avoid his lifeless body.

unhesitatingly, I went out and scooped his body into my arms, as I hear a painful groan. It was almost a bark, almost a moan, it was definitely a new noise for me. As I walked back hurriedly to my house, I calmed him down in hushed tones. He never squirmed. As I sat on the front step, I quickly called and canceled my ride, and started to look for the number for my Vet. I saw the number for one of the girls that gave me the dog and I called her. I quickly told her what happened, and found the address of the 24 hour emergency clinic. They agreed to meet me there.

Lexington is not a typical grid road type city. The spokes and wheels of roads require a series of compromises in almost any cross town route. The girls agreed to meet me there. On the way, I could see his abdomen moving with his breaths, so I could tell he was still alive. I knew nothing else of his condition. I just knew I had to get him to the hospital. As I made the final turn to the hospital, he squirmed to get comfortable. I took that as a good sign.

When I got inside, the girls were already there. First he needed to be weighed. He is fifteen pounds. He has graduated from Miniature Dachshund to Standard. The only barrier between the "breeds" is weight and the boundary is 14-15. He had been fourteen pounds. In the examination room, he could stand on the table and started to walk around, but a little unsure of his step. He did not appear to be the squished waffle dog I was expecting. I was sure his back would be broken, and his entrails would be exposed. I saw the thing happen and he collided with the car, and he is the size of a tom cat. He did have an abrasion above his eye.

I agreed to have him stay over night and be watched. He was put on fluids, as well as pain killers. The next morning he was a bit groggy, but looked back to the path of normalcy. I took him home, and we took a nap. After about two hours he woke me up, needing to go out. The mail man came buy and the dog went nuts, as usual. The mailman knows its all part of the greeting and actually likes the dog. Substitutes, are not so understanding. But this crazy behavior was a sign he was recovering.

What we think happened is, he dodged between the front and back left tire. He struck his head on something under the car. It could have been the axle or even the other tires. In any case he flattened down and was in the center of the lane when the car passed over him. Fortunately the car behind him swerved to avoid him, and no further damage was done.

This is the luckiest dog. He caught Parvo as a pup, and survived. He got lost and was found, also as a pup. Now he survived being run over by a car. I think he takes after his ~~master~~ friend.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the Red Car...]

Row Row Row Your Boat

2005-07-30T13:17:00.000-04:00

My last visit tot he dr. only garnerd a slight caution to maybe drop a few pounds. Well duh. I am back to my old size. A typical 40 something with a bit of weight around the middle.

===
On a side nite, My friend Kimmy is back from Japan. She is the one that did the "heart walk" back when I was recovering. She has been teaching in Japan for the last year or so. She came up to me after wondering who I was. She was shocked when she recognized me. Her last memories were of the pale, recovery patient, not the cowboy of the boulevard I resemble now.
===

Recently I found a commercial grade rowing machine at a thrift shop for $40. Now I can join the ranks of people with high falutin, gym-grade things on which to dry clothes.

Although, the rower is a bit low to the ground for that purpose. I may choose to use it as intended-- to maintain a washboard stomach instead of being bored maintaining wash.

I also found one of those jiggler machines from the 50s and 60s. Its hysterical. Just jiggle the pounds away. I do not think any laundry room should be without one.

Peace be with you.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the Red Car...]

One thousand and one

2005-07-13T20:24:00.000-04:00

Earlier this year, one of my fellow bloggers died, Sandi. Her link will remain on the right, but she lost her battle. As she deteriorated, her m om started to update the blog more and more. This is a link to the most recent post. Wonderheart's medical adventures. Reading some of the small details of her struggle make me even more aware how lucky I am, and what I may face. I am not going to dwell on, or even point out the one small detail in the account which cause me to reevaluate. It does make me realize how precious and fleeting our time is. How incredibly important it is do accomplish good now and not later.

Sure it would be nice to make a million dollars, but how much is the value of one thousand and one smiles? I hope Sandi smiled when she shared her thoughts with me on this blog.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the Red Car...]

Cured?!?

2005-07-13T15:42:00.000-04:00

Remission is probably the best word for it. I'll always be susceptible for Congestive Heart Failure. I may some day move on to "end stage" where treatment does not work anymore. But, at present time, I have no symptoms of heart failure whatsoever.

I had my appointment with Cardiology today, and I saw a fellow. This was a new one, and I had to clue him in to the condition I was in just 18 mos. ago. As Dr. Gurley put it, I was "hosed". I then overheard him talking to the new fellow about how gratifying it was at Gill Heart Institute to be able to have such great examples of recovery. I gathered the fellow was pretty new to Gill. When I mentioned how bad off I was, and Dr Gurley mentioned my "hosed" state, the fellow stated he had subsequently read all notes. He seemed pretty impressed.`

In his interview with me, he asked me how my quality of life had improved since I had my implant installed. It was clear he did not have a grasp of my earlier search for a treatment plan. When I explained to him, at the time of my implantation, "Quality of Life" was not as much the issue of concern, as QUANTITY of life, or life in general.

I do need to drop some weight. They would like me to lose it over the next 3 mos. I am thinking of the carb free cabbage soup diet of scardsdale. Kidding. I am just going to watch my calories better, and step up my workouts.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the Red Car...]

Check up

2005-07-11T14:54:00.000-04:00

I have an appointment with my cardiologist, Dr. Gurley on Wednesday. This time, I am not in hypochondriac mode, like I was with my last check up. He may have to talk to me about the weight I have gained. I do hope it is not water retention.

I still feel wonderful. People constantly tell me I look "better". I take that as a slight nod toward the opnion I was too skinny and emaciated before. Although one person did suggest I was heavier than I should be.

It's pretty amazing to me how much disbelief I get when I tell people what I had been through. It comes up every so often in the cab. Once in a while someone will mention a heart ailment, or some other medical problem and I can relate.

I still use my cab as my outlet for direct charity. It is not unusual for me to go out of my way for someone that truly needs, and wants, a little extra help. I add that last part because I realized at some point I was enabling people to further their problems. This was mostly due to alcoholism.

For years I served drinks to people at the bar. I thought about the consequences once in a while, but made the decision that they were adults, and would deal with the aftermath of their decisions. "On the outside", I am more part of the aftermath. I see that people neglect their responsibilities, or completely forget reality. It is so frustrating for me to deal with people that continually mess up and do not learn their lessons. I see people that have no one in their lives, yet seem to push them away or move on to the next good Samaritan.

I was finding more and more of my energy was focused on this enabling behavior. One by one, I have distanced myself from these energy vacuums. It was a difficult decision to reach. But it was a healthy and good one. Now, if I do not see effort toward trying to overcome the problem, I taper off my effort. I realize I can affect change in lives, but I cannot force change.

Since I have come to this new way of thinking, I have more time and energy for my own well-being, and just as important, more time to take on new cases. I sound like a social worker, but at one point I did feel as though I had reached my limit of "special needs" cases. That is a term my cab mentor coined for some of the people he started to share with me, for largely the same reasons I have listed.

Anyone interested in my progress, or if this blog is not current enough, email me at the address on the right (or is it the left?). If it is too hard to find, I will not enable you, click the help file, read the FAQ, pull out the book, bring cookies to AOL. haha.

peace out
K^DOG *

Now in his second millennium,
and 3.0 stage of life.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...Driving by in the Red Car...]
* K to the D.O.G.

Identity Theft and Dealing with Stress

2005-06-13T18:37:00.000-04:00

I am dealing with stress better than I use to. I have long said my biggest risk factor for heart disease, after family history of it, was the way I dealt with stress. Even recently, I would get all riled up. Money or mis-management of it was often at the top of my list.

Today at a routine visit to the bank, I found my account to be in the negative, Not just by a couple bucks, but by the full amount of my overdraft protection balance. Someone had used my debit card number to put in a charge for the maximum amopunt it wopuld allow. At the Microtel of all places?!?

Of course I called the motel, but the desk clerk said the manager was gone for the day. I will have to deal with him/her tomorrow. Meanwhile my bank has canceled the card, and I will be issued a new one within 7 days. In the long run, everything will work out. In the short run, its a good thing I have steady cash flow driving a Taxi, and all my bills are paid through my other account. I switched banks a while ago, and never got around to closing the account in question. My checks are automatically deposited into it, and once a month, I write one check to fund my "new" account. Good thing in retrospect. The associated hassle would be far greater had it been account number two that was accessed.

How did this happen? I do not know, but theorize My card fell out of my pocket in my cab, and a rider found it. I had not been able to find it for a while, but just thought I misplaced it in my house. I had it out to pay for something online last month. Online you suspect. I ruled that out, as the online merchant is in California, and the Microtel was here in Lexington. My original theory makes more sense.

At this moment, everything is up in the air. I know it will work out. But the important thing is, I am not stressed out at all. Before when I qwould get stressed out, it was over myself making banking errors or bad spending decisions. This is completely out of my control. I have kept much better control over my finances for quite a while now, and have the self assurance to know that this was not my fault. Sure I made my card accessible to a thief, by not being carefull with it, but I can deal with that.

I am glad I am able to get past something that use to stress me out to no end. All else is going good too. I have an appointment with Dr. Gurley next month. I look forward to it.

Au rev.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the Red Car...]

Of Lice and Men

2005-05-17T20:10:00.000-04:00

As you probably suspected, I did n ot have to go to the hospital today. In fact, quite the opposite. I saw a new Doctor today and from his fresh perspective I was a picture of health. My levels were all good. My heartbeat was right on the money, my blood pressure was perfect. When he realized where I was, medically, in March 2004, it illustrated it that much better. In other words, I let my imagination go wild for me. A little bit of my OC behavior reared its head once again.

I asked about my lethargy, and he said that my Beta Blocker dosage is quite high and that is most likely the culprit. He also said considering the alternative, it was a pretty fair trade.

This whole event illustrates my tendency to imagine symptoms progressing worse and worse. It is that very tendency that has encouraged me to blind myself to things that may normally cause alarms to some. Multifaceted heart attacks were pushed off as heart burn after a few false alarms. It reminds me of a time when I was a sophomore in college. There were reports of a lice infested cat in the village. I had been walking through the village the previous weekend, and I had picked up a stray cat for a few minutes.

I was convinced I caught lice. I made an appointment to see the doctor. Afterall, I could feel the buggers crawling around on my scalp. I had no idea what lice were. I thought there were similar to maggots. Wiggly wormlike creatures having a romp through the mop on my head. This was before genetics took the mop away and turned it into a petrified forest. I went to the doctor and he checked my head. He kind of laughed off my explanation as to why I thought I had lice.

After that experience, I stopped reacting to bugs. I do not scratch mosquito bites. I have a high tolerance for most of them. All because I have trained myself to tolerate the slight discomfort of them, lest they be the dreaded maggot sized super lice of Duluth.

On the downside, I think that is how I tolerated the Congestive Heart Failure for so long. I just believed it was asthma. But once I realized it was something more than asthma, I was like a cartoon character that sped off the edge of a cliff. As long as he doesn't know there is no path under him, he keeps going. Once he looks down and sees he is running on thin air, he falls quickly and swiftly tot he canyon floor below. When I looked down at the floor, and realized it was not asthma, I fell.

After my recovery period, I had a bit of fatalism that I worked through. Even recently with my fear and loathing period, I did not have the expiration date kind of fatalism I had a year ago. I was still free to make plans. I still dream of traveling. I imagine what life will be like in the future. I imagine my niece and nephew getting older. All that good stuff.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the Red Car...]

Fear and Loathing in Lexington

2005-05-17T10:14:00.000-04:00

I've not been completely frank lately. Never wanting to make people worry without reason, I have kept a lot of my private concerns about my situation to myself. This is in stark contrast to how this all began. Today I am going to lay it all out.

In executive summary, I am going to the Dr. Today for a routine checkup. However, I had been putting off having a check up for some time. For some unknown reason, I am afraid they are going to keep me overnight. I feel the same way, as I did in 2004. Not exactly, but the unrealized dread that there is something wrong. The uncertainty of recovery. For the last several months I have been extremely lethargic. At one point I thought it could be a case of the blues. It could also have been the increased dosage of my beta-blockers. It could have been the new hours associated with driving my cab. But what gnaws at me is, what if it is my heart? Ordinarily I can jump to conclusions. I have trained myself to not be a hypochondriac.

But a few months back I had an event that caused me great concern at the time. I tripped and fell. I fell hard on my chest. The corner of my front porch hit my ICD real hard. It was hard enough to knock the wind out of me. When the stars and birds stopped flying around me, I called my cardiologist's office. The nurse I spoke to, consulted with the Dr and told me if I notice something wrong to come in. I did not notice anything. My defibrulator had never gone off, so I did not have much to go on there. The Medronic person lowered my voltage on the device, so I no longer felt the pacing of my heart. Was my awareness level high enough that I would recognize an erratic heart beat? I do not know. I would hate to have thought what would have happened if I needed the defib. and it did NOT go off. Arhythmia is fatal 50% of the time.

I kind of slid off my diet for a while, and did not watch my salt. Shame on me, I know. I have also gained weight. My quandry is what about this weight gain? Is it due to edema? I feel some swelling in my legs, but not like it was. The tenderness is there though. My gut is obvious again, is that my liver and stomach swelling like it did?

To address that, I stopped drinking again. I had not noticed ill effects with a drink here and there, but for a while I was having a few beers after work. Last time I went cold turkey, I noticed a rebound about 2-3 weeks afterwards. So I am going to keep it up again, and see if I see a marked improvement.

My Gp, Dr Cowan retired. I need to get a new GP. I have an appointment today with a potential replacement. But I am going to have him check my other vitals. My heartbeat should be text book, if the ICD is working correctly. Because of all the above, I cannot shake the feeling that I am going to be admitted to the hospital tonight.

Last time I was admitted it caught me by surprise. Not this time. I have made arrangements to have my dogs in a kennel, and for my cab to be turned into the company. In fact, it is already there. I scheduled a down day, and a maintainence check today, in case I get admitted. I did not want the cab company to have to collect my cab, in case I was admitted. I am not going s far as bringing the dogs to a kennel. They can go tomorrow if need be. I have a reservation at Bluegrass Pet Chalet for tomorrow. If I am admitted, I will call someone to have them brought out there.

I am bringing an overnight bag tot he Dr. I'll have my medicine, my book, a change of clothes and all that. The last two times I was admitted, I only had the clothes on my back. It was very inconvenient.

I will update here, if I am admitted or not. there is a computer in the hospital library.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the Red Car...]

Retiring Doctor

2005-05-11T12:25:00.000-04:00

I have been expecting it for some time. My General Practicioner, Dr Cowan, has retired. Over the past few years, his vacations have gotten longer and longer, and a co-worker's signature has been apperaring on my monthly prescriptions. A couple appointments ago, we discussed hium setting me up with another doctor. I never did that before he retired, but I do have an appointment with the Dr most familiar with my chart in the clinic. I have never met him. I hope I like him as much as I did my other Dr. I had been going to him for around 8 years. I maty ask my cardiologist if he has a Dr he may suggest for my continuing care as well.

Next week I plan to discuss my chronic fatigue. I am tired all the timer, which can be expected with the drugs I am taking. Especially at their increased dosages. Allergies are real bad this year, and of course I am senstive to confusing my symptoms with allergie and asthma symptoms again.

In general I still feel great and look forward to a long prosperous and full life. My new habits are all ingrained and I do a lot of them without even thinking about it. I used to stress out about my pills every morning and night to make sure I had each and every one of them. Now it is so normal, I can recognize if one of my bottles is on the wrong shelf.

My scars are barely noticable, My pcemaker one is so light it could be confused with a healing scratch. My chest scar could easily be cobnfused with one a decade or so old.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the Red Car...]

Helping

2005-05-05T12:38:00.000-04:00

I have found driving a cab to be the perfect vehicle to help others. Pardon the pun, as I do not mean "vehicle" literally. In my months doing this, I have met people that have needed a little extra service. I have come across Geriatrics that live alone, Wheelchair bound MS patients, also living alone, that need a little extra service.

Last night I gave a ride to the ERA for someone I had picked up at the ERA months ago. He too suffers from CHAP as well as a number of related ailments. I am afraid his treatment is not going as well as mine did. I really think riding with me to the ER helped alleviate his anxiety over what may have been going on. The queue to get in the ER was too long, so he stayed to get his vitals and had me bring him home. As we were talking, we traded warstories. Talking to him I realized how extremely fortunate I am to have had my condition remiss for the most part. He is still suffering from edema and carries an oxygen tank with him. I am not a psychologist, but am very intuitive, and believe he is in a bit of depression as well. I discussed possibly meeting with a therapist as well as rehab. He is going to visit a nursing home for a month or so, and hopefully he will get some of the services I suggested. I also gave him my card to call me some afternoon. I told him that some nice spring day to call me and I will take him out and take a drive - not as a paid driver, but as a comrade in arms. He said he will.

Months ago I heard about a legendary obese woman with two hateful and obese daughters that lived down the road from me. Every time I got a call on that particular street, I shuddered that it may be "them". Sunday it happened. Actually I picked up a sweet woman with edemic legs and her 8 year old son. She was visiting her daughter in juvenile hall. I noticed the woman's legs were severely swollen. As she talked about her daughter, I realized this was the woman in question. Her other daughter stays closer to the "hood" on the weekends. This woman suffers from kidney disease and needs to be helped out of her chair to walk, due to bad knees. Her husband left the family 4 years ago, apparently unable to cope with her physical problems and their daughters emotional ones. I gave her my card and have since taken her to Dialysis as well as a buffet. My only true charitable act so far has been a "gimme" fare to get Crickets for the boy's lizards. She asked how much it would cost to go to the pet store, after his insistent requests that first Sunday. I said I would do it for $5. It should have been a $13 fare.

I used to be pretty quick to offer free rides in special cases, but one such customer cussed me out because of it. I was surprised. This particular woman had had a very bad day. She was to have a day off from taking care of her ailing alzheimer's patient, mother in law. She was let down by her daughter and had to take a last minute cab to go and care for her. She had planned a nice sunny afternoon of beer and friends across town. It took an hour for a cab to get her. I was that cab. I could tell she was having a bad day as her story unfolded. She made sure her anger at the cab delay wasn't directed at me personally, but at the company for underestimating the wait time. When I got to her home, I said to her "Ma'am, a lot has not gone right for you today, and there is very little I can do to change that, but I can offer you a free ride". She refused. When I asked her why, she said she could afford the ride, and that for me to "frivolously" give away rides like that was not fair to the other drivers that cannot afford to give up one single dollar. When I explained I only work part time and only need a part time income, she repeated her stance. I understood. When I am quick to discount random riders, they may grow accustomed to getting those deals, and try to take advantage of my fellow hacks. Now I only give discounts to my regular riders and make sure they know it is because of their repeated business with me. That is okay, she said. But to offer a freebee to a first time rider like that should not be common. It is not uncommon for some riders to negotiate a fare up front. That is a different story. That gives the driver and rider an equal footing. If a fare negotiation is not reached the ride does not take place.

On a rainy Saturday night, a young man flagged me down and told me he only had $7 and his friend had left him downtown, and had probably driven home drunk. When I asked him how far he had to go, I realized it was quite more further than $7 would normally take him. I told him I would take him home. It was late, time for me to kick off anyway. He was very grateful. Once an extremely drunken pair were leaving a bar. One wanted to take a cab, the other argued about money to pay. Neither should have driven, but the one that wanted to drive was belligerent. I told them, as a public service to Lexington I would drive them the few blocks to their home for free. On the way, I explained that service was part of the reason I started driving. When we go to the house, I was given $5 anyway. I picked up someone on the outskirts when I was on my way in to town. He was going my way. About halfway there, he said he had to be honest with me. He only had $5 and that I could put him out if I wanted. I told him I appreciated his honesty, and wished he had explained that up front, but that I would continue with him in his cab.

There is an 87 year old woman. She likes to go have a drink once and again. She needs cigarettes, and to go to the bank. I have taken her on several of these trips. They have grown to be a weekly meeting on Saturday afternoons. We go to lunch, pick up some of her needs, and she'll ride around in the cab with me if I get some calls. Both of us look forward to Saturday afternoons. I have stopped charging her, but she insists on paying me. But often if she asks me if she has paid me yet, I just say yes. Afterall, she usually has bought my lunch by then. A few weeks ago, her landlord had decided she needed to move. He felt she could no longer take care of herself. Another cabby yenta got the call. He has known the woman for years. I was introduced to her when he was going on vacation. We went to bat for the woman. I said I would get someone in there to make an evaluation on her. It turns out, she fell in her apartment and cried out for help. The neighbors had to break her chain to help her. In my "discussion" with the building owner I made the statement. "you want to throw an old woman out on the street because her neighbors do not want to help her when she cries out"? and "Instead of throwing an old woman out on the street, I am surprised you are not more concerned with replacing the rusty cast iron sinks and poor wiring". I made vague references to my friends downtown. Not idle comments, as I do have friends on the fair housing board. She doesn't have to move yet. But I think she wants to. No one should have to live where they are not wanted. She has not been there long, and would just as soon live elsewhere. So we are looking for something else.

Shoot, this seems like it is just a bunch of stories about what a good guy I am. I did not mean it to be that. I think I am actively helping like this because I recognize how lucky I am, and how we are only on this planet for a short time. What we do makes a difference. I have always preferred direct charity to the anonymous check writing that is more convenient and modern. I was helped when I was in need and I think I want to make sure I pass on the Samaritan spirit while I am able. I just hope my crowing about it here does not diminish from the acts.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the Red Car...]

Something about spring

2005-04-20T13:35:00.000-04:00

This time last year, I was recovering alone in my house. But how truly alone can a person be with friends checking on him, 2 dogs and a cat? I kept myself busy with art projects and handy man projects. I organized my workshop downstairs to give me space to work. I did a few outside projects, but the were mostly indoor projects I brought outside to the fresh air. I spray painted some things out there.

This year I am moving outside with my projects. I am working on landscaping my yard. My fence has been in disrepair for quite a while. When I saw how expensive fence sections were, I balked. Then I started looking at what was wrong with my fence, and realized, largely it was the cross pieces. Now they were affordable. So I am able to slip a new cross piece under the old rotting one, and re-nail the pickets to the new support. Simple, if not tedious and time consuming. But it saves me up to $50 per 8 foot section. I estimate I easily have 160 of fence to repair. I am sure the actuarial types among my readers are dying to know an actual count, so I will add it to my ubiquitous FAQ.

HEALTH UPDATE
Since they upped my beta blockers I have been more tired. I reckon my sleeping needs have risen from 7-8 to 8-10. I still prefer two times a day, that way I can get rested up before I go out and drive the cab. I do most of my driving after midnight. I have found driving people that have been drinking to be less frustrating than driving during the day, when everyone is in a hurry, but still distracted and crabby. As a rule, people that have been drinking are happy to be going home. Day riders are usually engaged in the drudgery of daily living. They are on trips to the Laundromat, Grocers, work or the "Wal-Mark". (Shirley Liquor did not make that up, people really call them K-mark and Walmark - makes me wonder if TARKet is in the horizon?)

I kind of let my diet go to the wayside when I was on the rode all the time. As Nanette Fabray once said, midst a puff of upturned breath "Sometimes cooking can be a bore". I doubt her TV Recipe cards could have gotten me out of that slump alone. But I promised my folks I would. I was talking with my father a few weekends ago, and I admitted my diet break, and he was understandably concerned. I told him I promised I would start watching it again. I have learned I have little self control when I am only "trying". When I promise I will do something I always come through. At least I give it a rousing attempt. As I typed this I realized I have yet to install some friends TiVO. But I did go there and do it, but there was a problem with their phone line. Anyway. Back to me.

I also let my exercise go down to next to nothing. Fortunately I am still very active, but do not think I am getting the 20 minutes of elevated heart rate recommended for cardiovascular health by the four out of five cardiologists that chew sugarless gum. But one thing at a time. To that end, I plan to sign up with a work out buddy that will make me responsible to show up at said time on said day. When I was at CR at Central Baptists, the nurses there were watching for me. At Gold's it is much more self directed. I kind of slowed my pace down when they upped my medications. Maybe my body can get used to it. Someone told me my exercise should not exhaust me to the point of needing a nap. But it does.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the Red Car...]

Monthly update

2005-04-15T03:57:00.000-04:00

Its hard to believe another month has gone by. I am still driving a cab, but have tempered my obsession with being "available". Sure this has caused my income to take a hit, but it has also allowed me to get some things done. I heard myself saying the other day "I am not busy, but I am also not working, and you cannot afford what I would charge to bring you that Chili-dog". Some of my clients use me for errands. I will run to the store for an MS patient, or other housebound persons. But I have learned I need to have my "Me-time" too. I am more apt to leave my phone in the cab when I go in the house some times. Especially if I go in to rest. It was very hard for me to refuse work, knowing that each and every dollar I earn goes to me. But that availability came at a price.

I found it very difficult to keep a steady gym schedule. I found it very difficult to keep cooking for myself. I love cooking for myself, and I love working out. Sure, I also love driving a cab, but I am trying to make it all balance.

Healthwise, I have been tired a lot. They doubled my cholesterol and beta-blockers. This has been since November, and since that time I have been tired a lot more. Recently I noticed with the more day light, I have been more active. So some of it may have been seasonal affective and not drug reactive. In any case, I seem to need about 10 hours of sleep a day now, rather than my formerly seven. So I sleep ten.

Spring has gloriously put on its white shoes, here in Kentucky. I have started a slew of projects, and even finished some. Most of them are outdoor. But on the rainy days, I have some indoor ones as well. I expect one of these days, when I walk into Home Depot, a greeter will greet me by name.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the Red Car...]

Vitamin E Study Asserts More Heart Failure Risk for Elderly

2005-03-16T16:07:00.000-05:00

Interestingly, my cardiologist told me to stop taking Vitamin E back when I was released after my surgery. I had been taking it daily for several years.

March 16, 2005 – The battle over the benefits of Vitamin E raged on today with an article saying the supplement – used long-term – may increase the risk for heart failure and does not prevent cancer or major cardiovascular problems in older people who already have vascular disease or diabetes.... MORE

Plans Plans Plans.

2005-02-27T22:32:00.000-05:00

It has struck me how far I have come. Shortly after my release from the hospital, I had a difficult time thinking beyond a five year period. I have written about this before, and how sometimes this summer, I found myself pondering what life would be like in 2032 or therabout.

Now I seem to dream and plan all the time. I used to, frequently... Everywhere I lived, I would remodel it in my head, and dream how I would make it better. I am now doing that again. The difference between now and then is, then I would just dream. Now I seem to move toward action.

I have an untold number of household projects going on, and I know it is out of control. But I am still struck by my seemless endless stream of ideas and plans for the future that I have.

Until I recently started working, I felt I was in a holding pattern. Not exactly treading water, but more like a race car on a fixed track. Moving and moving and moving and moving but not really getting anywhere. Sometimes I wonder if that is not a great metaphor for the fast paced life some people live. But now that I am out of the house every day, that I am all over town every day, that I am introduced to new people every day, I seem to be better able to set goals and move toward them. The seemingly gypsy life of a cab driver has actually enlivened me to move forward in all parts of my life.

I am truly happy. It is so great that I have come to this realization as I ponder this past year of rest and rehabilitation. As I reflect on the ripples in the pond of recovery.

I never knew what physical skills I had. I think I have the shop gene. Both my grandfathers had pretty large workshops, and I think my own dad can make about anything. Strangely, I was never much of a maker as a kid. My shop projects were warped and dented. I now suspect that they were more a result of distraction than lack of skill.

One of my childhood friends has always been handy, I spotted him on HGTV a few years back, and my Mom spotted him featured in a magazine. As I envision my home transformation, I envision an HGTV special. What strikes me most is that everything I plan to do, is within my skill set. I know it will take time to complete them all, but I am not in a hurry. In fact, I feel I have all the time in the world. But don't we all? As far as we know.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the Red Car...]

Ethyl Merman

2005-02-23T11:15:00.000-05:00

I cannot think of the song Everything's Coming Up Roses without thinking of Ethyl Merman, especially form her cameo in Airplane "that man thinks he's Ethyl Merman!".

But everything is coming up roses. The past week has been full of good things. I have been distracted by all the good fortune in my life, as opposed to dwelling on the impending anniversary of this whole ordeal (Today). I realized late last night that it was going to be today. I had not completely forgot about it. I had flashes of memory over the pasty several weeks. It is much like when you remember a birthday then forget then remember again then forget again, lather rinse repeat....

One year has gone by since I was hospitalized. Its hard to believe so much time has gone by. Its as those this past year was a blur. But a lot happened. I am not even going to try and list them all. Knowing that I am a live and healthy today is something I cherish. Caring for myself has become so routine, I do not even have to think of it much. My new routines have become habits. Healthy habits.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the Red Car...]

More Year in Review and musings.

2005-02-17T11:29:00.000-05:00

I was talking to someone this week, and I said something that I have said many times. It never occurred to me, just to give up. In a few days it will be the one year anniversary of my hospitalization. I think that is making me more contemplative. But I remember, as I lay in the bed, giving up was never an option. People are now telling me that they had to put on a brave face when they came in to see me. That they cried when the left because they thought I was being so brave. Some thought I was in denial.

But it never occurred to me that giving up was an option. I have, nearly always, taken my punches. That is my metaphor for dealing with the aftermath of my failures, mistakes or unfortunate outcomes. Some people can get caught in the "poor me" or "why me" traps. They can wonder why bad things happen to good people. They can chalk it up to a test from God. I usually just readjust my plan to suit the new circumstances.

I think that is what I did last February. I was told I may need a heart transplant. At first that was pretty extreme a solution, and I as not sure I wanted to put them through the trouble. It was not that I wanted to give up, I just felt that a transplant was going to be a lot of bother. I was, however unaware of the success rate. I thought it was going to be a great deal of work for not much success. When I learned more about it, I realized it was pretty viable an alternative and I agreed to one, if that's what it came to.

My friends were more than a little freaked out that my room was in the transplant wing. I am sure that added to the trepidation some people had about my hospital stay. I have said before, even the doctors disbelieved my lack of pain and suffering. But, I simply adjusted to my new life one day at a time.

My body had adjusted to remarkable hardship before I went in the hospital. As I was walking around with 48 pounds of extra fluid, breathing at 10% normal capacity, exhausted almost constantly, my body was adjusting to the hardship. Imagine how it felt to get that extra fluid out. My appetite returned, my energy slowly grew. The strength it took to adjust to the previous state was better able to be put to use in my new phase. I know genetics has a lot to do with my condition, but I also think that it plays a lot in my survival too. I have never been much of an athlete, but I have always been strong. I have always had excellent balance. I credit my Scandinavian and Finn heritage for a lot of that. I have this old book called "The Athletic Finn". It was written in the 30s and it was about the natural athleticism of the Finnish people. How a people with little or no formal athletic training won a considerable amount of Olympic Gold medals. The author advanced the theory that genetic predisposition played a large part in the outcome. This made me wonder if that is carried through in me.

In any case, I responded well to the cardiac rehabilitation. I bounced back so fast I had people asking me if I was a Marine due to my resilience. I can only credit it to my body that had been through so much. That it had had to adjust to such hardships. That when it was nourished properly, it was able to use the energy in more productive ways. I am certain that it was because I did not give up. That I was still active in the hospital. That they would "catch me" decorating my room late at night. That they kept looking to see how I had the energy for all that when the viability studies showed I (probably) should have been dead. When I say should I do not mean to say it in its most common usage. But that I was defying the results of the test. That the tests suggested I was dead. But I wasn't. It never occurred to me. Mia told me I was too stubborn to die.

That may be true. I was not clinging to life for some unfinished business. So I do not think I was the "mean" old man clinging to life at any cost. I have lived my life according to my code that I did not feel I was going too soon. I was not "ready" by any means. It just did not occur to me as an option. Ironically, I am often paralyzed by over analyzation. Analysis Paralysis, they call it. But in that case, I was not considering death to be an option. I cannot say that is particularly true. I knew it was an option, but it was not my preferred one, nor one I expected.

I think that is what struck me when people told me that they would have given up when faced with what I had faced. I recall thinking to myself I would be visiting the Grand Canyon in a Hoveround. That was my worst case scenario! I'd have my own go-cart to go tooling around in, and racing with my friends. I already had a friend with a scooter, and I fully expected we'd "pimp out our rides" together after I got mine.

Well its been a year or so. I have come such a long way, I almost forget what I was going through a year ago. It seems a lifetime ago that I was so uncomfortable sleeping that I would move from bed to couch to La-Z-boy to find the perfect nap position. That I was almost narcoleptic when I felt a good sleeping position. I was eating like a bird. Toward the end, I would force myself to drink protein shakes, and cup a soup. My appetite was so affected by the gastric bypass of swelling in my stomach that I was full from two bites of a club sandwich. But I knew I needed to eat. So I forced myself to.

I did what I had to do. That's been the case this past year. People say to me "I'd rather die than give up my Biscuits and Gravy". I think to myself that I sure like B&G too, but not at that cost. Like Jesse Ventura's character in Predator saying "I don't have time to bleed", I felt like I could say "It never occurred to me to give up". Sure, I had the time, but not the inclination.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the Red Car...]

Year in Review

2005-02-03T10:33:00.000-05:00

Its been quite a year. Its hard to believe a year ago I was taking "breath breaks" behind closed doors so I could get enough oxygen into my lungs. It was like I was sneaking a nip of alcohol. Perhaps thats what it will be like in L.A. if the smog gets much worse. I had such trouble sleeping I as practically narcoleptic. If I would be on the couch and find a comfortable position to rest in, I would just lean over and catch a quick nap. At times I would actually be fish grey in my face and I would have to be told. The reason I had to sneak my deep breathing, is people would constantly interupt me asking me if I was OK. In retrospect, I was not, and probably needed to go to the Doctor right then. My mood even changed. People that knew me saw something was different about me. But my body adapted to this strange set of circumstances. I believe it was this ability to adapt which made me strong enough for my rapid recovery.

When I finally went to the Hospital, under Doctor's orders, I insisted on driving myself. Afterall, I had driven to the Dr.'s Office. I still remember walking into the ER and announcing to the triage nurse that I had heart Failure and previous heart attacks. I can only imagine the number of hyperchondriacs they get in the ER with fallacious meningitis or specious hepatitis. I on the other hand was a HYPOchrondriac. Like the newly paraplegic Knight in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, that only had a flesh wound, I thought I only had a bad case of asthma. There I was, the walking dead, starving myself because my stomach was so bloated with water retetion there was no room for food. There I was, bloating up 15 pounds while getting thinner underneath it all. There I was coughing up pink phlegm, which I even knew was a sign of CHF, but was attributing it to too much Tussin cough syrup. There I was walking into the ER, calm as can be and announced my newly diagnosed condition as though I had a chest cold.

The Nurse skeptically looked at me and asked "How do you know this". I think she expected me to answer with a TV movie, or some symptom finder on the internet. When I told them my name and who my Dr. was, it was like on Emergancy. Deee Dump Dummmmmm. The swinging doors burst open and I was put on a gurney and wheeled back into the medical facility. They put me on Lasix right away, and it did not take long for the Nile to start its trip to the Mediterranean. Little did I know I would be losing 48 pounds of fluid in the next week.

The attending Dr was confounded by my condition. My liver was swollen from my edema beyond what had been seen. It was so bad I had the look of someone that was killing my liver with alcohol. I drank, but not like a chronic alcoholic. His temperance lecture fell on confused ears, as I knew I did not drink as much as he talked like I did. Apparently my swollen liver was pressing against my stomach and was one of the causes for my bird-like appetite.

I was admitted to a room in the transplant wing. The reason they told me was there was empty rooms up there. Could it have been a coicidence that the brought up a heart transplant as one option to fix me? I kind of freaked when I was told a transplant was an option for me. My friends noticed the sign and were very concerned about this transplant business. I refused a transplant at first, saying it was "extraordinary means". The resident that brought the topic up to me brought me some literature and I had a change of heart. Pardon the pun. Many other options were brought up by my cardioligist. Bypass, angioplasty, a "heart failure" pacemaker, were all mentioned. Almost parenthetically, he added transplant and strongly suggested I reconsider my stance on transplant. I was quick to reply I had.

Dr. Gurely was certain my heart would respond if they could restore bloodflow to my left side. There was no arterial flow to the left side of my heart. My heart was pumping in an awkward beat up down left right. It's dance was that of an average white guy in a hip-hop club. CT Surgery insisted on a viability study before they would do a bypass. Dr. Gurley was pretty sure the Viability study would come back negative, but believed in his treatment plan. The division of powers are such that CT Surgery does the open heart stuff like bypass, while Cardiology does the pacemaker, stints and plastys. When the viability study came back negative, Dr. Gurley switched gears and said he was going to attempt to unplug my arteries, and implant the Marquis 2 Insync cardio defibrulator by Medtronic (not affiliated with the boy band nSync).

As a full-fledged transplant patient now, imagine my surprise when the head of the transplant team told me I was not considered for the procedure. When I asked why, he explained it was because I did not have insurance. Confused, I asked for clarification. It turns out that an organ transplant is considered "elective surgery". Elective surgery will not be performed without payment arrangements. To me it was curious that it was considered elective. A person only gets on the transplant list when there are no other treatment options. When life expectancy is down to less than n years. But it is considered elective. I knew it was expensive. Of course it was. But in the world of $7 booties and $10 shower sized body wash, I was to find a transplant was actually a comparitive bargain.

When I pressed further, I asked how much it cost. He looked startled. When I asked what the procedure would cost, he said the U normally would settle for an advance cash payment in the low six figures. I told him to assume the money could be raised, and to keep me in the program. It was a lot of trinkets to sell on eBay, but I was positive the money would be there if I needed it to live. But this event too was short-lived. As I was meeting with the nurse about a transplant study, and filling out some preliminary paperwork, the CT surgeon burst in and announced I was scheduled for a bypass procedure the next day.

How could this be, I failed the viability study? I had managed to muddle through school with mediocre grades all my life, so it was not that unusual in hindsight. It turns out that the team had decided that I was a candidate for bypass afterall. Despite no arterial flow to the left side of my heart, it was still functioning. Not just reflexively as though the right side was driving it. Somehow it was getting blood from the right side, at the cellular level. I remember this from biology class. Veins and cappilaries adapt and stretch larger over time if something becomes clogged. Perhaps my blockages were that old and my body had enough time to adapt. Truth be had, I should not have been able to function as much as I had been, given the known evidence. The troublesome detail of my vitality, within the walls of the hospital, caused them to agree to unclog the arteries and see what happened. Dr. Gurley still planned on putting in the Marquis.

The results are in. It worked. With improved bloodflow, my misshapen, enlarged heart had shrunk back to near normal size. It started pumping more efficiently. I could sleep. I could eat. My strength came back. I was able to vigorously excercise. One of my friends regularly refers to the staff at UK as miracle workers. But I cannot ignore one thing. The night before the announcement of the reconsideration, there was a prayer circle for me. People from all over the country had told me they were praying for me. Complete strangers were asking my parents my full name so they could pray for me. They very next day, everything changed. Was the miracle what the Drs. did? Or was it, they saw the light and agreed to perform my surgery?

Now nearly a year after all this transpired, I feel like I am 20 years younger. I get tired. Which of you do n ot feel tired at the end of the day? I sometimes catch myself thinking I should be like the Energizer Bunny, going and going and going. But I do allow myself to take naps. If I am driving my cab, and I recognize fatigue, I go "out of service". On a few occasions a dispatcher has said "no, we needyou to take calls". My response has been "I can't take calls if I fall asleep at the wheel". The joy of being my own boss, and responsible only to my health, makes this possible.

That is the main reason, driving is so perfect for me. If I cannot do something, there are many others than can replace me. If they do not do as good of a job as me, that only makes me more valuable to my clients next time. Since I am trying my best, if a client prefers one of my substitutes, so be it. There is a peace in knowing that I can not do much better.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the Red Car...]

New Job

2005-01-22T10:59:00.000-05:00

Its been Three weeks, since I started and I still love it. Sure it has its ups and downs, but so does life. In Lexington the cab business is a duopoly. There are two main companies, one of which has two brands. Both operate the same way. They charge a weekly lease rate to their drivers who operate as independent contractors. They are licensed by the police department after a criminal background check and good driving record. Also the drivers must pass a physical exam subject to DOT guidelines.

I was a bit concerned that my heart condition may affect my results. Even though I am robust and energetic and exhibit no outward signs of my condition. If it was cancer or non-hodgkins lymphoma, I think they would call it remission. But I know every time my heart beats correctly it is a gift from God. The science/creator debate is not an issue with me. I came to terms with this long ago when in Confirmation class I brought the whole evolution subject up. I came up with the concept of guided evolution. I will create an addendum to this entry in the form of a side bar to keep from moving too far off topic. But basically, sure the drugs and machinery I utilize have me in my state, but those products were not created in a vacuum.

I asked the Pastor about Adam & Eve and how if we evolved from early primates, could it be possible that the moment we became human, that was when God put the spark of consciousness in us. After all, the animals were created first. If you look at the creation story, the flow of creations followed a logical path. Heaven and earth - water - land - vegetation - animals - humans. Each are a logical move from the previous. I called it guided evolution. I was an eighth grader. When I asked my pastor about this and maybe even used the term guided evolution. He looked at me, a bit startled and said, "yes". I had no more conflict. I am not sure if he thought I was brilliant or an infidel. But I know I did not have the spiritual crisis so evident in the current creation/evolution debate.

Not only did I pass my physical, I think I think I shocked the Nurse practitioner. I was overly frank about my experience. I told her everything I could without pulling up this very blog. When she asked me to try and touch my toes, I smiled and said "you'll hate me". She assured me I only had to try and touch them. I bent over and put my palms to the floor. I had trouble giving a urine sample though. Said problem, not unusual for me, but very unusual for someone on diuretics. But I had been on fluid restrictions and had just been to the gym, and it was late in the day. As is, the tech was staying past her shift waiting for me to produce. "Eve just a drip" she said. I promised to come back the next day, after I had taken my Lasix Spa Therapy. The next morning I came back and almost got in trouble for filling up too many cups. haha.

So I got my permits and paid my fees to the county-city government. I was legal. I trained for a day and was ready for my own taxi. I was a bit nervous, but knew I could do it. A cab was not ready for me until 3 days later. But I loved it. Not the vehicle itself, it was a hoopty. But I loved the work. I worked 12 days in a row. I was sweating the daily expenses. Each day I have agreed to pay a pro rata of the weekly lease. I am also responsible for the fuel I burn. For the first 12 days I covered all my expenses. On the 12th day, Monday, I had a windfall, so I decided to "buy a day off."

I use that term to describe setting aside tomorrow's lease payment so I do not have to drive if I do not want to. I was so relaxed. A day off. Sure I did not work more than a few hours each day, but a full day off would be nice. But that was not to happen. My phone was ringing. I had arrived as a cab driver. I was getting a lot of personal business. "Signal 10s" as they are referred to are the creme de la creme of a cabby's business. Signal 10 is the term used to refer to personal requests. In the old days, I guess people asked for drivers from the dispatcher. Now they all call the mobile phones directly. Such that my phone rang all day Tuesday. These people were my friends from when I worked at Mia's. They were former customers from same, and even some new customers I picked up since I started driving. I did not mind doing this, as I was available. If I was not there was a recording saying I was taking the day off. I made the decision, if I covered a days fixed costs, I would "buy Wednesday". I did. Wednesday was not quite as busy and I did not make enough in personal business to cover my fixed costs. But it was close. I devised a new plan for Thursday.

The radio is how we get dispatched to calls. People call in, the dispatcher figures out which zone they caller is in, and announces to the drivers there is a call in that zone. If there are no drivers in that zone it is called an open call. Some drivers do not have phones and rely on these dispatches for their income, along with the fleeting streetside hail. Lexington is not New York or Chicago. The citizens are not used to hailing cab, so those doing so are few and far between. My new plan was to use the radio until I made my fixed costs, then I was going to take it easy until I grew tired. I take a lot of breaks. I have learned the peak hours of radio calls. When people are going to work, leaving work, going out, or going home. In between I do my errands, read books, or watch TV. I also make my projects. What I do not do a lot of is spend time online. When I was not working, I was on line a lot. This entire blog was largely a product of my excess of free time. Now I have to schedule time for my writing. This is not my only outlet, but it is most likely the most widely read.

So anyway, Thursday I turned my radio off after I hit my fixed costs, and continued to respond to signal 10s only. I did the same on Saturday. My lease payments are structured such that Saturday and Sunday are not included in the daily division. Only the insurance costs are required. I Get the car for seven days, but pay for it over five. Sunday it was slow. It was almost a day off. Monday was fair with t his policy, Tuesday was slow. Wednesday I did not make enough to cover my fixed costs. I was devastated. Not destitute, I had put money in the bank for just such an eventuality. It was bitter cold Monday-Wednesday and I think people just holed up and stayed in next to their Kero-Sun portable heater. I was a bit down Thursday. Even one of the goodfellas that owns the outfit noticed my attitude was different. It was that day I realized I was not climbing an infinite money tree, and planning for the future was curtail. I wish I had learned that at a younger age. My retirement fund is not exactly over capitalized.

This work-a-day self employment is something I am used to from my days waiting tables and tending bar. I love being my own boss. I can kick off, kick back, take a break, whenever I want. My own professionalism and greediness keeps me working when there is money to be made. I am constantly prioritizing and re-prioritizing what I do. That is always something I did anyway. Each ride is its own little problem set. What is the riders goal, to save time or money on the trip? I then map out the route in my head, but ask the rider if she has a preferred route. Usually they want the shortest in miles. A bigger challenge presents itself when I get backed up. It is not unusual for my phone to ring when I am on a radio call. I have to break it to the caller that I am enroute. The most difficult situation is when I am on an ambiguous trip. When a rider needs to run in to the pharmacy or we need to go through a fast food lane. I could also be on my way to pick someone up, and not knowing which side of town that would get me. The worst is when I have signal 10s backed up. Last night I had 3. I had non-stop signal 10 calls form about 10:30 until 3 am. The only down time was when I was traveling to a central location for my next call on the Bat Phone.

It is like I am Batman. I am home in my lair, and my batphone rings. "Yes Commissioner Gordon?" I almost say. "I'll be right over to Pershing Drive, and get you to the Bar Complex in 10 minutes!", and I am off. [theme music here] Once that task is complete, and the world is once again safe, I await my next challenge. "I will pick you up in five minutes and take you to work", "Sure I can pick up some vodka and cough syrup for you, I'll be right there". I also run errands for select clients. I even keep on hand things they are always running out of. I have a selection of smokes and munchies in my trunk for just such an occasion. I know the preferred brands of all the people on my phone list.

If I still love this job in six months. I may buy my own cab. I signed a six month lease agreement on my cab. When it is up, I will decide if I want to take on the responsibility of maintaining a late model car being driven hundreds of miles a week. The fee I still have to pay the cab company, is a bit steep, so my cost of buying, plus maintaining, will have to be less than $800 a month or so for it to make economic sense. Also, when my own vehicle is being serviced I will not have a loaner available for me. I think I would also have to crank up my hours worked. Currently I am staying under the guidelines set by the SSA so as to not interfere with my gubment checks. I am not ready to give up that safety net, just yet. If my business keeps growing like it has in last 3 weeks, I can see doing it full time. My client base seems to focus on Horse Farms, College Students and people going to work.

The best cab driver in town, Daniel, is mentoring me, and referring a lot of his overflow to me. When I am super busy with calls on my phone, it is usually him giving out my number. For the VIPs he calls me first to make sure I can do it, then calls them back telling them to expect me. These people have all been happy with me.

that's it. In summary, I am healthy, busy, and happy. What more can a person ask? I still feel like I am 21, and no one believes me when I tell them my true age.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...driving by in the Red Car...]

Dr's appt

2005-01-07T09:57:00.000-05:00

My follow up with Dr. Cowen was yesterday, and we discussed my new job. He agreed it was probably not going to be too strenuous for me, but I should watch and make sure I get plenty of rest. That has been the biggest challenge for me so far. I am so greedy, I cannot resist trying to be on the job all day. Yesterday was my first "off day". What I mean by that, is I only responded to people that called me directly or that were dispatched when I was on my way back home from running errands. And I still made enough to meet my expenses.

I have to keep close track of my revenues and expenses, and keep a log of my runs for tax purposes. I am responsible to pay quarterly taxes and estimated taxes. I am also in the work program with social security, and depending on how much I make, I may end up getting my benefits cut. That'll be ok, as long as I can keep it up. I'd hate to be gung ho and lose my benefits, then have a relapse. But there is a quick start process if within certain number of years I need to go on disability again, there is less paperwork and automatic approval.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...standing by...]

New Years Eve

2005-01-01T11:54:00.000-05:00

New Year's Eve was eventful. I was pre-booked most of the night. What that means is, people called me directly on my mobile and reserved me. I did pick a few people up in front of bars I knew, buyt the bulk of my money was driving people that already knew me. I have a built in clientele from my old job at Mia's. I know a lot of people that take cabs. Plus the bar across the street willbe refering a lot of people to me as well. In fact 1/3 of my money last night was directly related to McCarthy's traffic. It could be half, I did not think to break it down.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...standing by...]

enough with the secrecy

2004-12-30T09:50:00.000-05:00

Monday I started training to be a cab driver, and today (thursday) I got my own cab. For the past several weeks, I had been having my criminal background checked, my driving record, and having a DOT physical for drivers for hire. But officially I am an independent business man.

Each day, I pay a lease on the cab, and it is up to me to hustle to meet my expenses. The good part of this for me, is that I can take a break whenever I want. Well, I guess in between fares. I do not think anyone would be willing to have me snoozing while they are trying to catch a plane at the airport.

It's also a lot of little tasks, which suits my style of work very well. Each ride is less than 10 minutes, so it suits my short attention span.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...standing by...]

Update on Dr. Carrie Nation

2004-12-22T17:42:00.000-05:00

In my original blog post, I mentioned the ER Doctor that proceeded to berate me about the evils of alcohol. This was long before they figured out my Liver was swollen from edema. well yesterday, he was one of the attending Drs. with my Cardiologist. He asked me if I drank, and I truthfully admitted to 1-2 drinks, 2-3 days a week. He smiled and said that was good, and that that is not too much. Completely different from his previous point of view.

He seemed to be a bit more mellow with the 10 months more experience. He was a "fellow" which is one of the professional stops before being a Physician. They are a step up from resident, but not quite the big cheese. He was still amazed by my progress, and remarked about how much scar tissue I have on my heart. And how they have to make it work with what I have. It is for that reason they want to increase my anti-cholesterol drugs and my beta-blockers. He said patients with CHF have responded to agressive treatments.

Personally, I am so happy with the no thumping, that I'd try a Lipitor Sprinkled Ice Cream Sundae. I know they are unrelated, but I take my victories one at a time.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...standing by...]

Boom Boom Boom FREE

2004-12-21T15:40:00.000-05:00

Up until now....

My only complaint, if you can call it that, has been the hiccough reaction I get from my ICD. When I reclined, or sat against a hard chair, my abdomen jerked as though I was hiccoughing. I got pretty used to it, but it was outwardly noticeable. I kind of psyched it up as my reminder that I am lucky to be alive. That it was a by-product of my tremendous good fortune.

When I was in the hospital last month, the team seemed very interested in it, and concerned. Last spring when I mentioned it to the Dr. , his reaction as "good then its working". When I mentioned it this month to my other Dr. he asked if I could live with it and if I could to just. He went on to suggest, if the level of stimulation was such it caused the jerking, that it may require moving a wire, and it would involve opening me up again. With that as an option it was even easier to live with.

Today I went back tot he Cardiologists, and had my usual interrogation of the ICD by the Medtronic tech. I mentioned the thumping, and she said "lets see what we can do". The voltage can be lowered to a minimal point with no change in beat or function. She ran a few tests and found she could lower it quite a bit. It was like she was turning down the volume on the stereo. At one point it was imperceptible, then it was gone entirely!

It's weird but without it I almost miss it.
NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...standing by...
... WINTER STORM WATCH REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM WEDNESDAY MORNING TO THURSDAY MORNING...

PRECIPITATION WILL GRADUALLY OVERSPREAD THE AREA LATE TONIGHT AND EARLY WEDNESDAY MORNING. BASED ON THE LATEST SUITE OF MODEL GUIDANCE... PRECIPITATION IS EXPECTED TO BEGIN AS A PERIOD OF RAIN LASTING THROUGH THE MID-MORNING HOURS ON WEDNESDAY. A CHANGE OVER TO A MIXTURE OF FREEZING RAIN AND SLEET IS EXPECTED DURING THE DAY ON WEDNESDAY AND CONTINUE THROUGH THE AFTERNOON. THE FREEZING RAIN AND SLEET MIX IS EXPECTED TO CHANGE TO SNOW WEDNESDAY EVENING. AT THIS TIME THERE IS THE POTENTIAL FOR SIGNIFICANT ICING ACCUMULATIONS ACROSS THE AREA. LOCATIONS IMPACTED INCLUDE THE LEXINGTON METRO AREA... FRANKFORT... CAMPBELLSVILLE AND BOWLING GREEN. ICE ACCUMULATIONS OF AROUND ONE QUARTER OF AN INCH ARE POSSIBLE. TOTAL SNOWFALL ACCUMULATIONS OF 2 TO 4 INCHES ARE POSSIBLE BY THURSDAY MORNING.

TRAVEL WILL BECOME EXTREMELY HAZARDOUS WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON AND EVENING... ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING THIS WEEK IS A BUSY HOLIDAY TRAVEL PERIOD. THOSE WITH TRAVEL PLANS ARE ADVISED TO MONITOR THE LATEST WEATHER FORECASTS AND ADJUST TRAVEL PLANS AS NEEDED. IF ADJUSTMENTS TO TRAVEL ARE NOT POSSIBLE... USE EXTREME CAUTION IF TRAVEL IS UNAVOIDABLE.]

FDA Statement on Naproxen

2004-12-21T05:25:00.000-05:00

[Works great, except for the Heart Attacks...... ???
I actually used a lot of naproxin. I took it daily for periods of time. I do not think I took it more than once per day, even occasionally, if ever.
-kf ]

FDA Statement on Naproxen:

FDA Statement

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Statement Dec. 20,

2004 Media Inquiries: 301-827-6242

Consumer Inquiries: 888-INFO-FDA

FDA Statement on Naproxen

The FDA today released the following statement on NIH halting a clinical trial involving non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs in patients at risk of developing Alzheimer's Disease: The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) is working with the National Institutes of Health to review the available scientific information on naproxen following the decision of the National Institute on Aging to halt a clinical trial studying non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs in patients at risk of developing Alzheimer's disease. Preliminary information from the study showed some evidence of increased risk of cardiovascular events, when compared to placebo, to patients taking naproxen. In the meantime, FDA advises patients who are currently taking over-the-counter naproxen products to carefully follow the instructions on the label. Patients should not exceed the recommended doses for naproxen (220 milligrams twice daily) and should not take naproxen for longer than ten days unless a physician directs otherwise. Patients with questions about naproxen should consult their physicians. Naproxen was first sold as a prescription drug under the trade name Naprosyn in 1976. FDA approved its use as an over-the-counter drug in 1994.

###
♥ ♥ ♥

[...Heart Attack Free, since 2003...]

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...standing by...]

Home for Christmas.

2004-12-19T14:01:00.000-05:00

I said I was going Home for Christmas, but now I have a change of plans, and a change of semantics. I am Staying Home for Christmas. Lexington is my home. I have been in this house for 8ight years. I am not sure if I have lived that long anywhere. I know my parents have, but I was out of the house by 23hree and 8ight years is about 1 third of that, and we moved 6ix times during those 23hree years. That suggests an average of nearly 4our years per residence. the min was probably a litle over a year when I was a newborn in St. Paul, and the max was Wellington at 9ine, but that number is may be indepurate, as I was in college for 5ive those years.
Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...standing by...]

Indepurate is a word I coined pairing the prefix "in" to the word Depurate, and should mean "unclear" or "imprecise"
the unique spelling of the numbers started out as a typo, but I liked the way it looked.

Making a Difference

2004-12-10T13:07:00.000-05:00

I have written about my "code" before. One of my life goals is to make a difference. I think that is what drew me to teaching. I went to Graduate school to be a college professor. I had a change of heart when I realized teaching was such a small part of the job at a major university. I am not going to pretend the only reason I transferred from the Ph.D. program to the Masters was that, but it played a big part in my decision. I have also, with encouragement from a teacher friend, given serious thought to signing up to be a substitute teacher at a local private school. He's a great teacher and thinks I would be even better than him, well he may have said "a good teacher" but I know how he is.

What started this post topic was a conversation I had with someone last night. A friend of mine and I, that works in Washington, (Not you, SHAWN, I have more friends in Washington than you know!) were online chatting last night. He keeps up on my blog almost daily to see what's been happening. He said that I changed his life. Seeing what happened to me, seemingly out of the blue, made him look at his own family history of heart disease and his lifestyle. While he was in pretty good shape, he realized that his risk of heart disease was on both sides of his family tree. It reached up far, and low to the roots. So he started a cardio vascular exercise program. I forget his exact mileage in his running, but I know from my own experience, its the regularity that counts. But it was some pretty impressive distance.

After my initial congratulatory response, I immediately asked the Hotpoint® question "Have you quit smoking yet"? He Had! Five years ago he quit. He also watches his salt and cooks fairly healthy. I got the impression he even felt "red meat guilt" when he had his rare steaks every so often. I had to laugh to myself. I have one of the strictest diets I know, and I keep to it, but I still do not feel guilty about the occasional steak. Early on, I was so careful about salt, I actually had a deficiency. My blood pressure was so low from my medications and lack of sodium, I had Hypo tension. I am not sure if that is a clinically recognized term or not. But, I know enough about prefixes to know it should be. If hypertension is high blood pressure, then hypo tension is low blood pressure.

I heard from the job I have been pursuing today, It turns out I forgot to sign one important form. They have checked my references, I need give them one more, as it turns out Judges cannot give out references, but anyway once I sign it, they turn in my application for a security check with the police department. I have been keeping this job a big secret. I know my parents are probably über curious about what it is. But I just want to spring it on everyone when it happens. I have thought long and hard what I could do, and this fits all my criteria. I met with a benefits analyst about my disability checks, and know what to expect from it as well. Enigmatically, I will say the job has a lot of positive qualities both for me and for society. I will be able to set my own schedule, I will be serving the public, and I will be providing society with a highly regarded public service. I value all three of those points, and there are more, but I am trying to keep the mystery up.

I am going to Minnesota over Christmas. I am arriving the morning of the 23rd. A friend of mine that works for Delta has said he may be able to get me a free ticket, so I may try and switch that a bit. But for now I am arriving in Minnesota around 11:30 am. I have not decided on a return date yet, but I do have a Dr. appointment on the 6th, so it is safe to say it will be before then. They are adjusting my medications a bit, and depending on how that goes, I may be taking more or less pills per day. On this, I found out that medical items required for me to do my job are deducted from my earnings when it comes to my income limits. I would like to say that my drugs are required for me to work, since I need to be healthy and alive to work. I have the proper forms.

I am typing this on my bed, with a bolster behind my back. My dogs are zonked out by my feet. "TC" (The Canine formerly known as Rebel) is sprawled across the foot of the bed, and "l'il Bou" (Boudain) is an snug as a bug in a rug, UNDER the comforter right next to my feet. Something in the Dachshund's instincts is burrowing, and he loves to go under the covers, once he has gone out for his morning walk. He is short haired, and chronic shiverer, so I am sure the warmth has something to do with it as well. He used to have to be on my lap all the time. Now in the morning, I can usually go in the bedroom and say "where's l'il Bou?" and I see the comforter jump and rise as it was alive, and soon his little black nose will poke out some where.

I guess my treatise on making a difference got a bit sidetracked, but I did want to say I am glad my experience has helped people examine their own lives and take steps to make it better. A bunch of my friends signed up to be organ donors when I was potentially a transplant candidate. Some people still think I had a transplant. I guess they need to keep up on the blog. I want to keep my FrankenHeart that could.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...standing by...]

Stroke or Heart Attack

2004-12-07T18:05:00.000-05:00

Once in a while I get a forward I am willing to share. This is from my cousin Judy. I cannot identify this as authoritative, but it sure looks like it cannot do more damage than a heart attack already does.

--------------------------------------

Subject: Stroke or Heart Attack?

Is It A Stroke?
This might be a lifesaver if we can remember the three questions! Is It a Stroke?

Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster for the stroke victim. A stroke victim may suffer brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.

Now doctors say any bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple
questions:

Ask the individual to smile.
Ask him or her to raise both arms.
Ask the person to speak a simple sentence.

* If he or she has trouble with any of these tasks, call 9-1-1 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

After discovering that a group of non-medical volunteers could identify facial weakness, arm weakness and speech problems, researchers urged the general public to learn the three questions.

They presented their conclusions at the American Stroke Association's annual
meeting last February. Widespread use of this test could result in prompt
diagnosis and treatment of the stroke and prevent brain damage.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Is It A Heart AttacK?

A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this e-mail sends it to 10 people, you can bet that at least one life will be saved.

Read this... It could save your life!!

Let's say it's 6.15 PM. and you're driving home (alone of course), after an unusually hard day on the job. You're really tired, upset, and frustrated.

Suddenly you start experiencing severe pain in your chest that starts to radiate out into your arm and up into your jaw. You are only about five miles from the hospital nearest your home.

Unfortunately you don't know if you'll be able to make it that far. You have been trained in CPR, but the guy that taught the course did not tell you how to perform it on yourself.

HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK WHEN ALONE

Since many people are alone when they suffer a heart attack, without help, the person whose heart is beating improperly and who begins to feel faint, has only about 10 seconds left before losing consciousness.

However, these victims can help themselves by coughing repeatedly and very vigorously. A deep breath should be taken before each cough, and the cough must be deep and prolonged, as when producing sputum from deep inside the chest.

A breath and a cough must be repeated about every two seconds without let-up until help arrives, or until the heart is felt to be beating normally again.

Deep breaths get oxygen into the lungs and coughing movements squeeze the heart and keep the blood circulating. The squeezing pressure on the heart also helps it regain normal rhythm.

In this way, heart attack victims can get to a hospital.

Tell as many people as possible about this. It could save their lives!!

BE A FRIEND AND PLEASE SEND THIS ARTICLE TO AS MANY FRIENDS AS POSSIBLE

---
(above request is by the original author, not kevin 3.1)

if you want to forward this go to the comment page, and forward the post page as a web page. That sould work fine.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...standing by...]

FrankenHEART

2004-11-23T15:58:00.000-05:00

I was released today! Everything is great. My tests showed my ejection fraction is up to 25 - 30 %. I asked about the size of the heart, and Dr. Booth said it did not too enlarged at all, but these pictures are not the best view of heart size. The heart cath is. He suggested I meet with Dr. Gurley in a month, and Dr Cowen in 2 weeks.

I am sure you are wondering what happened with the oxygen issue. Remember the resident and her bosses are still learning. What they saw as strange was interpreted by Dr. Booth as being a residual of my pace maker's action, and he did not feel it was necessary to have a cath at all. He'd put in for my release. He also agreed with me that my diagnosis of too much salsa was probably correct. I love it when a plan comes together. As I was on my way home, I remember something Dr. Camp told me.

My heart is so unique, so outside of text books that I have to discount almost every snap diagnosis the residents and fellows make about abnormalities. They've never seen anything like a heart like mine. So they get confused. But members of the team that originally fashioned life out of my scarred up husk of a pumper, do know what is going on.

So the good news. I can play with red bull all I want. Just not super nitro salsa afterwards. My heart is healing. They keep saying things like "we cannot expect it to improve anymore" yet it does.

Its the little FrankenHeart that could.

Day two in the hospital

2004-11-22T23:23:00.000-05:00

This morning i was visited by the Cardiology team. But first this morning, a resident came in and told me for sure, my blood tests showed no signs of heart attack. Good news. Well dr. Booths team wanted me to have a heart cath. I was mildly suprised by this, since I felt the entire episode was an excercise in over reaction. I explained I had a pint of hot salsa the day before, and since my blood showed no signs of heart attack, why would they want me to do such an invasive, and possibly risky test? I explained I am definately in touch with my recovery, and I am constantly watching how my body reacts to things, I am not blindly hoping nothing is wrong. The Dr then decided to have me do a Stress-echo. With this test they put some radio-active fluid in me, takes some scans over 20 minutes. the pictures are like virtual slices of myheart from all angles.

Then they I went back up to my room for a while, and was brought over tot he Gill heart Institute stress test lab, and was chemically stressed. they gave me a shot that is like an "instant workout". Mybody felt like I was on the treadmill for quite a while. after a bit, they gave me the antidote and I went back to my room for a while to wait for the second set of pictures. I still hd not eaten anything since midnight sunday.

They came for the second set just as I was talking tot he resident. My diaphram flexs when I am in a certsain state of rest. It looks like I have a chronic mild case of hiccups. No noise, but it can affect my breathing rhythm if I am not conciously breathing. and my speech. It happens when my back is pressed forward, like in a chair or reclined position. This affected the way the camera tool my pictures. I had found if I take deep breaths, it seems to pull the diaphram away from whatever my heart is hitting, and it does not seem to jump as much. But, it only lasts a few minutes and the pictures lasted 15. So we retook the pictures the normal way, with my heart causing the hiccups.

I got back to my room and at 5 I decided I could eat. I had to read the menu figure out what the meat was. It was herbed baked fish. It looked like herbed backed soul of hiking boot. It did not matter. I was so hungry by then, I ate the entire meal in about 5 seconds. Including the flavorless mashed potatoes, and over cooked vegetables. After it sat for a bit the resident came in and told me I could have dinner. I looked at the pile of dishes and grinned sheepishly.

I told her I figured as late as it was, my tests would probably have had to be repeated tomorrow anyway. She said not necessarily. Whoops. In any case no harm done. She told me that so far still no sign of heart attack. But something looked kind of strange, but may be normal for me.

I called my emergancy cookie line, and got a friend to bring us Oreo cookies. My roommate had a craving for oreos, and I thought I would show off my delivery prowess. I also called a cabbie friend of mine to drop by my house and getthe book I was reading. While he was there, he walked my dogs. What a friend. Daniel, you are a prince among angels.

Later on, the resident came in and said "her bosses" looked at my pictures and were alarmed about something. It appeared as though my heart may not be getting enough oxygen when it is "stressed". She thought they would recommend my having the heart cath tomorrow after all. I agreed it was ok.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...standing by...]

E/R

2004-11-21T23:25:00.000-05:00

I went to the E/R Today. Although I had a lot of salsa and stuff yesterday, my chest pain was persistant. I called 9-1-1 and they felt I needed to go in. From my description, the E/R team ran a bunch of tests to see if my blood showed signs of having a heart attack. It takes some time, so I was tested for about 6 hours. Evenhtually someone from cardiolofy saw me, and felt althouygh it was unlikely I did have one, they wanted to see what Dr. Booth from Cardiology had to say in the morning. They were pretty impressed by my workout regimen, and said if I can 30-40 minutes of cardio without an episode, I probably have not had one.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...standing by...]

Its my birthday (now with Grammar!)

2004-11-13T10:42:00.000-05:00

I re-read this piece, and was quite happy with the message, but not with the poor punctuation. Often this blog is full of first drafts. Previously this was un-edited.

When I was young, I would count down backwards from my birthday starting
around the first day of school. At school, birthday day was superstar day.
When I was in highschool, we discovered an inordinate number of our group
all had birthdays in November. Most of us being Scorpios. Coincidence?
yes. But to this day, I find the people I click with, right away, tend to be
Scorpios. I am not an astrology buff, but I do notice patterns. What I
mean is, in an effort to make sense out of this random world, I seek order.
I may not know why something is happeningm but I do perceive subtle coincidences,
often overlooked by others. Sure, random acts can come together and form
glorious results. Creation skeptics would believe life was a glorious
incalculable accident.

But, back to birthdays. As I aged, I strove to keep my birthday a secret. At
25, it did not work. My co-workers transformed my cubicle into a small
Graceland. Even putting side burn chops on my computer monitor, to make it
have Elvision. The irony is, I am not a big Elvis Fan, but a Elvis Fan
Mocker. [please do not tell Mavis Garomph, president of the greater bluegrass area Daughters of Elvis association] I did not have much chance keeping my birthday secret as I had a
long-time friend in the office, Lisa. On my 30th, I agreed to go to dinner
with some fellow grad students, but they did not know it was my birthday.
I announced it when the margaritas arrived. I kind of stopped celebrating
them.

This year, I almost forgot. Sure, once Halloween hits, I know its two weeks
away. As a kid that was always so great, I got to dress up, and pig out on
candy, then 2 weeks later get lots of presents. But this year I knew it was
two weeks away. I never let that time get smaller. Mom sent me an email
that I was turning 41 this weekend, and my thought was 'this weekend??? Not
until NEXT WEEK'! Then I realized it was already the 10th.

I've had a great week. But I am moving my "birthday week to starting today.
I woke up completely at peace. I got up and went to the bathroom to
brush whats left of my teeth. I looked in the mirror and said aloud "I'm
41". When I say something aloud like that, its real. Even if I am the
only one that hears it.

I put together a last minute effort at getting people to go out for pizza
tonight. I may get a good turnout. I realized, my last few low-key
birthdays may have given people the idea that I did not like them. That was
not it. I just did not think it was in my control to celebrate a day, I had
little do do with. My parents, on the other hand, did. But my zygote
half-selves were pretty much acting on pure biology. But this year is
different.

In February, I did not imagine I would be alive today. Today, when I looked
in the mirror, I saw a vibrant good person. Worthy, Lucky and Grateful to
be alive. Its a chilly day, and it would be easy to be mopey. Not me. The
sun is streaming though my windows, the yellow curtains are glowing. Boudain
is on my lap, TC is watching me from the couch. I just had a bowl of my
favorite hot cereal, and there is a 1960s Disney movie on the Hallmark
channel. Its great. As I finished my maple and brown sugar Malt-o-Meal I
started to plan my morning.

My pizza thing is going to be at Gatti Town, a pizza buffet midway type of
place, that reminds me of Chuck E Cheese, for a slightly older set -- think Mallrat
age. I may invite a few over for cards too. I have wanted to have a
canasta party, or a progressive Touring party for some time. I wish I had
planned it better. Touring is a vintage Parker Bros. card game, that went
out of print in 1967. Its like Mille Bornes ,the French travel game. In
fact the latter seems to be a direct rip off, in that Touring was invented in
1919, and Mille Bornes not until, hmm, the 1960s. About when the copyright
would have run out.

In summary. Its great to be alive. Its great to age. Instead of kidding
around about how old I am. I am now proud to have lived this long; To look
so vibrant; To feel so YOUNG. It is truly a testament to GOD, and my own
fortitude, that I am alive today. Life is too precious to be wasted.
Each day is worthy of my best effort.

On an aside, yesterday, I had a Lexington Lunch. A group of us left in
Lexington, after many scattered away, always gets together for a Lexington Lunch
when a scattered one comes back to town. There, we realized we were all on
cholesterol medications. Old Old Old. I am not the oldest in the group.
But I am glad to be in the running.

Putting a squeeze on heart failure

2004-11-07T21:29:00.000-05:00

Sup-hose this was for me?
Many people focus on my bypass and heart attacks. But my primary diagnosis has always been Heart Failure. My heart was 3 times normal size. My Grandmother had this when she died. "An enlarged heart is often a euphamism for HeartFailure
------------------

USATODAY.com - Putting a squeeze on heart failure

NEW ORLEANS — The latest advance in heart failure treatment is a kind of support hose for the heart, an elastic mesh sleeve that squeezes enlarged hearts into a more normal shape and may stall progression of the deadly disease, says a study out Sunday.

parental visit

2004-11-01T19:42:00.000-05:00

My folks were down last week. Basically it was 2 days. plus two travel days. I do not think they are big fans of the Lexington, via detroit route. It was a nice visit. I am glad they were able to see how I have progressed physically. First thing out of mom'smnouth when I met them for breakfast was "You look good". I can see it now I was "too skinny" rightup until sometime in July. I am a healthy "normal" size now when you take into consideration how much of my weight is muscle. "we are going to pump - you up!". anyway, dad always likes projects, so we tackled the brambles in my back 40. Ok so it just seemed like it was 40 acres when I hauled the brush bundles to the curb today for the compost truck. Mom sanitized my kitchen and bathroomn for me. Just so it does not seem like I invited them down to be day laborers, I would like to say something. They planned this trip on their own!!! hehe.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...standing by...]

This is huge

2004-10-25T13:56:00.000-04:00

\Last night I was reading an article in Vanity Fair about Johnny Cash's last ten years with his new record producer. It also talked about June's poor health.

Somehow, when reading it, I realized I lost my Five -Year fixation. I am not sure how forthright I have been on this here blog about my 5 year premonition. I just could not make plans for anything beyond 5 years. I think I fixated on that timespan because so much of the success literature refers to success rates before and after 5 years. Well lately my mood has been very elevated. My "joie d'vie" has been "très magnifique".

I feel like I did at 20.

I was concerned about this 5 year plan. I have heard about a lot of "anniversary" deaths. People hoping to live for one more Christmas, birthday, anniversary, new year, or very special episode of "friends". Then they seem to give up. They attained their goal. One of my goals with counseling was to get away from that time thought. I kicked it without realizing it, until last night. Earlier I was reading about this supposed time travel guy John Titor and what life is supposedly going to be like in 2035. While skeptical I put myself in that year as well, and wondered if I would like it. I'll be 62 then. It may be a while since I have done "higher math" but I believe, even given the sorry state of education in America today, most school children would agree that 31 years is greater than 5 years.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...standing by...]

I've been shot

2004-10-20T17:45:00.000-04:00

I am one of the designated emergancy shot givers for a friend's diabetic cat. It has to be given insulin 2 times a day 12 hours apart. Its kind of funny the way they refer to it. "Kevin can you go shoot the cat?"

That's why this post is so titled. I got my flu shot today. It was tough going. I fit the qualifications for the rations, but the actual doses have been few and far between. One thing the nurse told me is, despite the "panic", there is little to worry about, as the strain of flue in the shot, is the flu that went around last year. So most of us that caught it last year have immunity already. But, taking no chances, I took a shot. budump bump.

Kronick
aka Kevin 3.1

[...standing by...]

Flu shot

2004-10-19T09:58:00.000-04:00

For the past several years I have poo-pooed the idea of flu shots. My excuse was always, I am not old or sick, and have a kick-ass immune system. I also heard that you can even get sick from the flu shot. Last years was supposedly a mis-fire when it came up to the eventual strain they focused on.

But....

It is the opinion of my cardiologist that the "flu" I got last year was what put me into my spiral downward. It may have been the flu. I did check my symptoms against the cdc website, and found them all there. Influenza, especially that one, attacks the weakest part of the body, which in my case was congenitally my heart. I had after all had an unusual rhythm for years. Apparently I had some mild heart attacks previously unknown to me.

Here is the scary part. Coxsackievirus B, an extremely common virus 70% of adults have been exposed to this virus, and there is no vaccine. Although, apparently polio is a cousin of this virus, so perhaps there is hope for one. According to an article I read, nearly 50% of heart failure patients have evidence of this virus in their system. Not surprising give the above statistic, but apparently, if you are susceptible to heart failure and myocardial infarction (heart attacks) it is much worse. But as I write this, my statistics head sees a problem with this. The percentage if CHF patients should be higher than the general populations percentage. Unless.... only living are in the sample. I just got chills when I thought of that possibility.

But anyway, I meant to talk about flu shots. This year, there is a shortage. Only "high risk" patients are allowed to have them at this time. This year I am going to get one. I called my the Gill Heart institute and talked to my cardilogist's nurse. She said heart failure patients are qualified for the ration. Unfortunately, she did not have any and I had to call back yesterday. She needs to go to t he pharmacy with the log to show who she gave them to to get any more. Who knew? I am supposed to call again tomorrow. I have a friend that may have a handle on a dose for me too, through his school. I am also going to call the county health department. Apparently they have some too. But they are urging the "qualified" to make appointments.

I'll keep ya' posted when I get my shot.

Kronick
aka Kevin

[...please stand by...]

Is it any wonder

2004-10-16T13:29:00.000-04:00

Minnesota: Home of Harold Stassen, the losingest presidential candidate in
history. Makes Gatewood look like an amateur.

Minnesota: Home of Jesse "The Mind" Ventura

Minnesota: Home of Late Late's Craig Kilborn

Minnesota: Home of Paul Wellstone

Its in honor of these living and late Minnesotans that I bring you
why I claim Minnesota to be home state.

It's things like this that I use to explain that I am from Minnesota.

Blues Brothers, Elvis impersonators con police

October 13, 2004 (CRYSTAL, Minn.) - Minnesota police were responding to a
call of a convulsing Elvis Presley impersonator -- but they ended up in a
high-speed chase with a man dressed as one of the Blues Brothers. Crystal
police say they were called to a veterans hall Monday morning and when they
arrived they saw a man dressed as Elvis on the ground convulsing. But when
they approached, he jumped up and yelled "Viva Las Vegas!" -- and then
started singing show tunes. At about the same time, two women said a man
dressed as John Belushi's character in "The Blues Brothers" had stolen their
car and driven to the airport. Police went after him -- and after chasing
him around the airport, they caught and arrested him. The police captain
says "it's one of those things that you stop and scratch your head, and you
think...'Am I seeing what I think I'm seeing?"' He says the Elvis
impersonator and the fake Blues Brother were drinking together at the VFW.
When asked how much they drank, he said blood tests will probably indicate
"quite a bit." (Copyright 2004 by The Associated Press. All Rights
Reserved.)

[ ?]

Survivors

2004-10-14T10:10:00.000-04:00

We may come down with some doozies, but my sister and I are survivors. My sister had to have brain surgery a few years ago. It was to remove a growth that turned out to be a tumor. They were carefull not to call it a tumor early on, but it was much larger than they thought. Anyway the operation was a success, and she now goes in for periodic MRI tests to see if it grows back.

Last week she had such an exam, and there was no regrowth. She needs to go back to check again two years from now. Thats such great news. I had a tumorous growth in the middle of my back removed, but it did not grow back either. My grandfather had one in his leg.

As we know, I have heart trouble. So here is my sister and I had the double doozies of operations. My sister, brain surgery, and me open heart surgery. Sure mine is one of the most common operations performed, but still. My mom sometimes thinks why are the kids sick and we're so healthy? Its true, my mom and dad are thepicture of health, with just common ailments. I told my mom, we do not know our plan. Perhaps they are being kept healthy so they could help my sister and I through our troubles. Perhaps there is something we're destined for.

Genetics are a complex thing. One parent may have a recessive trait for something, and so may the other. Together, the children could have them match up. I know my sister and I share a lot of common traits. For years, my uncle Bob thought we were twins. Twin boys at that! Ok so he was not paying all that much attention LOL. But that is how much we looked alike growing up. At times it is hard to tell us apart in child pictures. Unless we're in them together, or mom did not dress my sister up especially girly, it would be easy to think she was me.

In college, she was 4 years behind me. She was in line to cash a check at the student center once, and the girl working there was a friend of mine. As she saw my sister in line a few people back, she called out "You're Kevin's sister, aren't you"? She has not seen the name on the check yet. She did not even know I had a sister, or thatshe was going to UMD.

As I started this little essay, we're survivors. She's kicked a brain tumor, and I am managing heart disease. We've both got our work-arounds. Shehas some times in the past she does not remember well. I carefully monitor my pulse while I am excercising. I get tired easy. But in all, we both bounced back with a vengence.

I believe it has a lot to do with attitude. I was reading a survival book the other day, and it talked about the survival attitude. It also talked about tolerance for pain, and how the brain can help you overcome it. Without my knowing it, I was using pain management when I was in full blown heart failure. I used the phrase "expected pain". If I expected it, and felt it necessary, I could usually tolerate it and put it out of my mind. I think thats still true.

My mind works pretty interestingly. I constantly mull over scenarios based on current events to come up with outcomes. When these outcomes occur, I think to myself, "of course". When things pop up unexpectedly, I tend to over-react. Everyone does, I know. But I really do. I think I came up with a defense mechanism for it, by using my skills of observation to plan out the happenings. Sure this is probably obsessive-compulsive. But it is just short of disorder. :-) What I mean is, if its not a problem, its probably not a disorder. If I can stop it at will, it is not a disorder. If it not parylizing, it is not either. A few times, I will catch myself counting repetitions. Like when I take drinks from the fountain. This serves no purpose unless I am measuring how much water I am drinking. Certainly it may be possibly that I am trying to see how much water I need to replace based on the sweat I am producing. But that would take years. I stop myself from counting my drinks. But my instinct is to count.

This is a pretty honest essay today. I hope people understand, this is mostly for me. By commiting these thoughts to words, I can review them, and think about them and decide if there is anything I want to change. Sometimes I do not know my true feelings on things, untill I write them down. Specifically when I write them here. I have been seeing a counselor for the past few months, and it has been helpfull talking things out. I think having an ear that is sympathetic and removed from my situation is a good sounding board. Often he just says "How do you feel about that?".

But this is about my sister and I being survivors. I hope the next generation, her kids, my niece and nephew, inherit our survivor's skill-set. Thy can probably do without the heart disease and brain tumors though. God Forbid. Congratulations to my sister for a successful MRI, and no tumor regrowth.

Kronick
aka Kevin
[...please stand by...]

Calendar Model

2004-10-13T11:06:00.000-04:00

For the past four years, there has been a charity calendar published, featuring many of my friends. I participated in year one and year three, and now this year. I am not a feature, but a crowd shot. Last year I was Grumpy the dwarf, in a snow white scene. This year I am going to be part of a crowd in Buenos Aires in awe of Eva Peron. Eden Towers is playing Eva. The work is completley digital, so I may show up in the crowd more than once. Other local officials are in the crowd with me. Senator Stein, and Representative Scorsone and others are participating, so I am in good company.

I have finally "gained" weight. I no longer am the scrawny meek little guy that I was in the Minneapolis Mall shot in April. While far from overweight, I once again have a stomach. But I am still able to wear my 30" pants. Originally I had to drop down to Medium shirts form L/XL that I had been wearing. As my workouts increased my upper body responded, and do not look like I am swimming in the larger clothes anymore. Good thing I kept them eh? The "fat pants" are still put away.

Kronick
aka Kevin
please stand by

New Picture

2004-10-06T13:05:00.000-04:00

Hi folks.

I have a few things to talk abot today. First and foremost. I feel great. My only discomfort, if I can even call it that, is the near constant thumping of my ICD, when I am reclining. I can't really complain though. When I mentioned it to my Cardiologist, his response was "Good, then its doing its job". So now, instead of being bugged by it, I remind myself what an important job its doing. It still feels weird though.

The writing job fell through. The college was very unclear as to its goals, and quite frankly did not have the money for that project. A shame. But I had some reservations of taking that task on, as I had a feeling it could have been stressfull. I have a tendency to take on things that I feel I should be able to fix. They even admitted the challenge would have been to keep the job part-time. I also had the sneaking suspician, it was going to be part-time writing, 3/4 time developing a new communiations department for the college, and full-time frustration. I am looking for a job that will be goal oriented, but not very stressfull. It is easy for people to say to me "Don't let it stress you out". Unfortunately, being told that stresses me out too. :-)

Here is a picture I recently got of me. It was taken in May at a Gala. I attend quite a few galas. This was the most formal. My hair has grown back, it was shaved for yet another Gala. see. Although looking at it, I want to say "2nd Floor, Men's Furnishings, China, Bedding and Toys". I had no idea how much like an elevator operator I looked in that jacket. I still like it though. It is part of the "Kevin Fillips Tuxedo Collection" #6 of 8. Mostly thrift shops folks. I have less invested in them, than some people have investing in their bedding.

Kronick
aka Kevin
please stand by

If this goes over

2004-09-30T01:46:00.000-04:00

I'll make this little trick permanent, if it proves popular

Kronick
aka Kevin
please stand by

In the News

2004-09-27T13:09:00.000-04:00

In the style of a little news update show on Saturday mornings, as a kid, I am going to create a bunch of fact points with brief explanation of what is going on my life. Assuming of course if you are reading this, there is at least some.

Social Security
My Disability claim was approved. Statistically in this state, over 70% of all first time claims are denied, and must be fought with an attorney. I did not have to do that. I am still able to work part time, and keep my benefits. That will help me reach my budget. I am still unclear if I will get any sort of medical coverage right away. Medicare does not kick in until August 2006.

Urban Challenge
My friend Greg ran the Lexington "urban challenge" last Saturday. Two person teams race through downtown neighborhoods following clues for checkpoints. They need to visit these in order and take a picture of their team at each unmarked checkpoint. Any ones wrong, and they would be disqualitifed. They were all owed to get information from any source they choose. They can phone a friend, ask people on street or even collaborate with other teams. Greg and his teammate, chose me as their phone resource. I was able to compute math problems, route running routes using my computer, and tell them in real time to "take a left and go to 556". Their team came in 4th out of 100 racers, and will be advancing to the National Championship in Miami. The Lexington results should appear on Friday. Greg is so psyched he signed us up to do the online version in April. I will be their phone a friend when they are in Miami too. I have been conducting database and net-type searches since 1992, when I entered graduate school, so it is something I am very suited for. And I was able to do it in my Vintage Hollywood Jammies.

My medicines have been tweaked a little bit, so I am getting used to some slightly different affects. eg. 20 mg Blood pressure I used to take 10 in the am and 10 in the pm, now I am taking 20 in the am. That kind of stuff. But it still seems to be working. I have gained some weight. I no look emaciated, and a bit more like a healthy person. Too healthy in some places :-)

I finally got some pictures back of how I look now. I'll post one here, and more in the next few weeks. I want to show my muscle growth, so please do not judge me on the pose in this picture.

Kronick
aka Kevin
please stand by

My ordeal, In a nutshell.

2004-09-12T21:17:00.000-04:00

For reasons of my own, I have decided to publish "my" story as that of a fictional friend "Mike". Here is my condensed version of my ordeal. It is not my book, it is simply an article. I have a lot of words in me about his, but I wanted to keep this under 2000.

so now,....

Buddy Can You Spare a Heart

My friend Mike was a pretty tough guy. He had heart attacks without knowing it. He caught a "heart virus" which further weakened his heart to the point it could no longer pump blood. So severe it was, that blood and fluid backed up into his lungs and body cavities. This caused a cough. Being mildly asthmatic, he self diagnosed the cough to be the result of untreated asthma, coupled with allergy drainage, and continued on. The cough did not go away. No amount of cough syrup cleared his lungs. It is estimated that he went on this way for three or more months.

He would work on his feet for eight hour days, he would hide in the back room for oxygen breaks. His tortured deep breaths would otherwise be interrupted by well-meaning coworkers. If he did not take these breaks his face would become fish gray. He did not know his lungs were filling with fluid backing up from his heart. Late one Saturday night, he woke up with a terrible chill. His blood pressure had dropped to the point he could not warm up. Dizzily he drew a hot bath and as he was slipping into the tub, he noticed his legs. They were swollen to the size of balloons. He was pretty sure that was no longer asthma, and he made an appointment for the Dr., the following Monday. The appoint would be for Tuesday. Monday night he had the classic "life flashing before his eyes" moment, but still held off for his appointment.

Tuesday he went in to see his Dr., and after a few tests, the Dr. told him sternly and cautiously that he needed to go to the emergency room immediately. "You're in Heart Failure, and I think you have had Heart Attacks", he said. When asked how he got to the clinic, he admitted he drove himself. Reluctantly the Dr. agreed to call ahead to the University of Kentucky emergency room, and for him to drive to the ambulance entrance. On the way there, he called a few friends to tell them what was happening.

As he calmly walked into the ER, and approached to the triage desk. When asked his complaint, he stated "I'm in heart failure, and I have probably had some heart attacks". The clerk looked puzzled as she asked how he knew. When he explained the previous Dr.'s visit, he was invited to another window to speak to a nurse. When he told the nurse his name, she exclaimed "we've been waiting for you". The rest of the scene played out like the opening scene of NBC's ER show. The gurney burst out, and he was wheeled back into he ER, as they tried to come up with a treatment. Ultimately they had to get the excess fluid out of his body. The most efficient way was through diuretics. On that therapy, he was admitted to the hospital as an inpatient. Some friends came up to see him that night, and we did not like what we saw on the wall of his wing. It was the transplant wing.

His poor underfed heart was only pumping 7-12% of capacity. That caused the back flow. His heart is predominantly scar tissue and three times the size it should be. Ultimately he had 5 veins blocked and the left side of his heart was apparently not getting any blood. His cardiologist had faith if they could pace his heart and possibly unplug the arteries through angioplasty, his tissue would resuscitate. The surgeons did not agree. They insisted on a viability test before they would do any bypass surgery. It did not make sense to graft new veins to dead heart tissue. After they tested the blood flow, they showed the results to Mike. "There should be veins here, there are not". In lay terms, it appeared as though the entire left half of his heart was dead. Yes, that's right, the test confirmed the entire left side of his heart was dead tissue, starved of blood. There was one small inconsistency though....
He was still alive.

Not just "did the lights go out?" kind of alive, but vibrant, "lets go out dancing" alive. He peeked at his chart later, and saw all sorts of disbelieving notes. "Patient denies pain", "Patient claims to feel 'Fine' ", "Patient walks the halls at night", all of which contradicted the viability report. The cardiologist made this comment to him "It is so ironic that you look so good, feel so good, but you are so incredibly ill". But he was not faking it. He really did not have any pain. He really did feel great. He really was walking the halls, after feeling his body waste away in bed all day. He decorated his room with Christmas lights and threatened to install a mini-bar for his guests. He was up and around, such that nurses just coming on staff for the week were wondering "why is 817 was still here? Isn't he going to be released soon?". It was explained to him how ill he was. But he had lost 48 pounds of weight with the diuretics. That is six gallons of excess fluid drained in 8 days. He went from a bloated 199 to a scrawny 150 pounds. Its no wonder he felt so good. They were still puzzled, so continued investigating his case. That is when they discovered what was going on.

The right side was nourishing the left side. Microscopically, beyond the view of the tests, blood was moving from the right side to the left side, keeping it minimally nourished. That's why he felt fine, that's why he did not have pain, that's why he was able to walk. It is called collateral blood flow. The left side was not dead. In fact only a tiny small part, at the bottom of his heart, was dead.

Mike was 42 years old. Everyone wondered how this happened, he was so healthy? As the new information was being discovered, he was talking with nurses about transplant options, and was signing up for the transplant program. Suddenly, in burst the head of surgery announcing a bypass operation was scheduled the next day. It was after all, suddenly viable. Thankfully for Mike, a transplant operation is not like a removal operation alone. Had hearts not been in such short supply, the wait so long, perhaps they would have started already. Transplant requirements are pretty strict. Because of the seriousness, only last resort cases are considered for transplant. There can be no other option, for a transplant to be considered.

I doubt they would have continued searching had he had not been robust. Had he let himself get down, had he lay in bed thinking "poor me". Had he insisted he was in pain, I doubt they would have kept looking. They would not have been confused as to his condition. He would not have been an anomaly. His sense of humor, and positive state of mind, bravery, had encouraged them to keep looking for answers. Thankfully they found them.

He had his surgery, recovered for a few months with his parents and returned to a slow version of his normal life. He changed his diet, his exercise and now is the healthiest he has ever been. His cardiac rehabilitation program evolved into a near daily gym regimen. People do not believe him when he tells what he has been through. The only reminder of how sick he was. are the 10 pills he takes each day, and the implant he has pacing his heart and preventing arrythmia, a deadly type of erratic heartbeat. Of course he is not "cured" in the normal sense. He is managing his illness. With management and technology he can go on living a "normal" life.

Kronick
aka mike
please stand by

Job Interview

2004-09-10T13:43:00.000-04:00

I interviewed yesterday for the job I have been mentioning. It went ok. I do not have a good feeling, as though I nailed it. But knowing that an interview is often a justification process of a decision already reached. It was good that they asked me for more information and writing samples to round out my portfolio. Had they been looking for reasons not to choose me, they would have let it go with what I have.

This may sound like a radical concept but in all my labor classes the professors alluded to this. One flat out said this is how it is.

I have some other jobs I am pursuing as well, and a few firms I am going to target, with unsolicited portfolios.

Its finally fall here. Granted its been a low heat summer, but now it feels as though the big heat is behind us.

Kronick
aka Kevin
please stand by

an update of my current

2004-09-07T08:08:00.000-04:00

I have progressed to the next step with the Job I am pursuing. I meet with the head honcho Thursday morning. I am remarkably at ease about it. I am surprised at how long the process has been, but I should understand. There is no such job at the moment, and therefore no opening to fill. It is, I suppose easy, for them to allow other tasks win in the battle for attention. I do know the guy I originally met with would just as soon have the position filled last month. Its the Honcho Department that has many other priorities.

Labor day is not a traditional holiday I celebrate. A few years back, I was in New York. When I am in Minnesota we spend it at a lake. Yesterday, I could not find anyone home. No in in Lexington, no one long distance. It was kind of weird. I did not have any specific plans, but apparently everyone else did.

The weather is moderating here. It is still hot at mid-day, but the mornings and evenings are temperate. I am able to work in the yard during those times. Physically I still get tired. I am fine to a point, then I get tired. Real tired. I've been exhausted these last few days. I think I have been trying to do too much. I figure at 7 mos, "well, its been enough". Its a good thing the job I am after is part time. I just hope the compensation package is sufficient. Did I explain to anyone is is writing? An institution of which I am affiliated is looking for a "Storyteller" to write about its goings ons. To write in such away people can relate and understand. I put together a packet of my writing. I included humor, technical, academic, and acedemic technical humor. The latter of which would seem an oxymoron to some, but not with my pen. I included designs I have made. But the most interesting thing I included was my vitae. The fancy academic form of resume. Since the job was storyteller I got the idea to make a pop-up book. So I wrote a narrative of my life so far using story language, created appropriate graphics, fused the pages, and made about a 10 page pop-up book. I bound it in an academic composition notebook cover, cut it to size, and piled the whole package together with a tether. Placed it in a box, and left it on the desk of the man I mentioned earlier.

I accidentlly created a slight sensation. People I told about it, wanted to see it. Only two people to my knowledge saw it, the latter being the recipient, so he most likely has passed it along. Unfortunately, I may have inspired someone else, as one reason for the delay in my second meeting is another candidate was putting together some stuff. I am undaunted.

My dad wants me me to be sure not to get too dissapointed if this job does not pan out. While I am very interested in it, it is not my end all. In fact, I have a back up plan that many would consider better than the plan primaire. But I have my reasons to prefer employer #1.

I am supposed to hear about my SSI this week. Supposedly 75% of all cases are denied subject to appeal. But in that case I would have to get an attorney and all that. I just want to make sure I can support myself, which may mean a combination of both SSI and part-time work, subject to limits.

One reason I am so tired this week, is I have been helping out at a local shop while my friend, the owner takes his first vacation in 10 years. I heard from him Friday and he was having a great time.

Kronick
aka Kevin

please stand by

[chapstick situation update]

2004-09-06T01:40:00.000-04:00

Not since my February bout with chapped lips have I had to frequently grab the waxy stuff. So bad is it, that my lips have actually bled. So now, I have some of the collection stashed all over the house, in my gym bag, etc. And I am proud to say, I have finished the very first stick I used way back in February from the Nicole collection (see f.a.q. in the column to the right)

Kronick
aka Kevin
please stand by

Separation Anxiety

2004-08-30T10:29:00.000-04:00

I have always had a difficult time leaving. For this reason, I usually set departure dates far in the future. I have a difficult time switching jobs and moving. I am not sure why, but I do recognize this trait in myself.

Last week, when I started looking at commercial gyms, I knew I had until the "end of the month" to make my decision. Even Thursday I was saying to Gold's gym, I'll make my decision "next week" as the guy wrote me a pass good through 8/31 so I could use them to make up my mind. Next week, next week, well wow. Tomorrow is 8/31. Next week is now, and I am already starting to miss the staff at Central Baptist. I am composing little goodbye wishes for the staff there.

These ladies really helped get my new life on track. They were concerned when others would not even have noticed something may be wrong. They did not bat an eyelash when we decided to monitor my heart one day, after my "Phase 2 monitoring period" as complete. I just now got a locker in the locker room.

I also have a difficult time signing contracts. I have to sign a 1 year with promatX, or a 2 year with Gold's. Heretofore they will be referred to as ONE and TWO. ONE is cheaper and has access to a pool, free lockers and is closest to my house. TWO is only $10 more a month than ONE, and has a lot of people I know as members. ONE's facility is about 2 times the size of my CR Facility. TWO is about 5 times as big. one of their bike areas alone is almost the size of CR's space. But Lockers are $10 extra. TWO is moving a bit closer, but possibly more difficult to get to. The new TWO is going to be a palace when its completed. IF it does. It has been delayed already. TWO has a downtown gym as well, that could be very convenient for me. And it is the "executive style club" I am used to belonging in Minnesota. There I swam at St. Paul Athletic Club when I worked in St. Paul, and at Arena Club at the Target Center when I was working in Minneapolis. Both the clubs here have small and cramped changing areas. ONE is owned by personal trainers that all used to work together at TWO before leaving for another club, then ultimately starting their own. TWO seems like a business first, health club second. Both could be on shaky financial footing. The first thing ONE told me on my first visit is "We`are all about health" the first thing TWO asked was how much I was paying at CBH-CR. I suspect so he could tailor his offer to what I was used to paying. When I told him it was not about money, but my health, he switched gears a lot. When I told a trainer at ONE that I was a heart patient, his response was he would like to talk to the staff at CR to make sure he knew my limits. TWO's response seemed more neutral, and geared toward am I going to croak on a machine. (that is an exaggeration by the way).

Today I am going to visit TWO's downtown location. That will probably be the deciding factor for me. While I do not feel I need the bells and whistles of TWO, I do not "not" need them either. The friends factor weighs high at TWO as well. But my workouts are about health, not socializing. If TWO's dt club is that great, it will probably tip the scale.

Meanwhile I have to leave the nest of CBH. It will not be easy.

Kronick
aka Kevin
please stand by

Flu vaccine and the heart

2004-08-29T19:24:00.000-04:00

I have poo-pooed flu shots for me for quite a while. This year I will get one. Especially after seeing this article on the web. The flu tends to attack the weakest part of the body, and last December, in my case, it was my heart. I am not going to repeat last year's debacle if I can avoid it.

Flu vaccine and the heart

[three point one]

2004-08-24T11:31:00.000-04:00

I have been pretty quiet lately. I am sorry if people have taken that to
mean I am down or blue or nothing is happening. At one time, this blog
consumed my life. The night before my surgery, even though I had no Last
Will & Testament, no Living Will, nor made any of my wishes be known, I
transfered ownership of this blog to my friend Donna, so if the worst
happened, she could add a foot note explaining what happened.

Needless to say, I took it back as soon as I was out of the icu, and on to
the road to where I am now. Where am I? Words cannot describe. I ran into
one of my nurses at a social function over the weekend, and she was
astonished. She told me they were getting ready to open a CR gym at the
Gill Institute, and may want me to come talk. I would be the picture of
progress. My Cardiologist was almost dismissive with me, as I showed no
signs of impairment due to my "venticular systolic dysfunction". Am I still
"sick"? yes, I will continue to use that word. I am managing my illness.
I am doing quite well with it. My treatment plan is working. Is it a
miracle? Yes. A miracle of technology, of faith, state of mind and
determiniation. Determination on the part of My Drs; David Cowen, John
Gurley and my surgeon, Philip Camp. But most of all determination by me.

I bought into my recovery. What I mean is, I took to my diet with a
vengence, I took to my excercise with stubborn effort and I took steps to
keep my mind clear of the blues, the "would-shoulda-couldas", the "what ifs"
and the like. My results speak for themselves.

I met with the dietician at CR yesterday, and it was obvious to her that I
do not need to count my calories. My body shows evidence of being able to
regulate my intake due to my bodies needs, not a bored hunger. I think I
have lived that way for quite a while, because I did maintain my weight for
quite a while, basically since college in 1986. For fun and profit (?) I
may do a calorie count for a few days, but, I have showed steady weight
maintainence when you consider the muscle growth.

My body is very toned. I have become pretty proud of what I have
accomplished in the last few months. When I tell them its just 3 days a
week for about an hour a day, they are shocked. Not quite jokingly, when I
rattle off my percentages I do so like this; My left ventricle is paced
about 95% of the time, my last "ejection fraction" was at 20%, but my vanity
has increased 200%. Hopefully, that I admit it, and joke about it, it is
not as bad as all that. But I have made some new friends in the mirrors. I
pulled out a swimsuit that always made me look like a trained seal, and now
I look like I should be in Athens doing the Breast Stroke.

I am keeping myself busy with projects around the house, and have branched
out. I have contracted to make lighting fixtures for a local artist owned
coffee shop. I am scavenging on garbage night, finding tables, chairs,
lumber to work with, and am having a ball. I was telling someone, that that
is a family trait for me on both sides. Both my grandfathers and my own
father have elaborate home shops. Mine is 400 sqaure feet, with a fifteen
foot workbench. The difference is, my looks like a cross between Santa's
workshop and Pee Wee's Playhouse. Of course elves, and anthropomorphic
accessories not included.

I am going to volunteer for the Red Cross. It was concluded that my
teaching skills will come in handy for their workshops. And the nice thing
is their needs, match my personal interests and passions quite well.

I am in line for a job writing as well. This blog has encouraged me to
pursue that path. It truly was the last of my goals I have not attained or
attempted. My application packet inspired the department such that it only
reinforced their opinion of their need for me.

When I was recovering, people always remarked how fast I was coming along.
They reminded me how long their friend, their mother, their fatther, took to
get back to "normal". That made me wonder when I would be back to "normal".
I take normal to mean like it was before. I surpassed that so quickly, aI
cannot tell you when I got here. I am so beyond my old normal, I thibnk it
is time to close 3.0 down. I did not expect such a drastic change for the
better when I came up with my 1, 2, 3.0 naming structure. I am saving 4.0
for when and if "end stage" happens. So I think this will be the last post
for 3.0. 3.1 begins now.

I have not decided if I will just retitle this and keep the archives, or
keep this intact with a link to a new blog. I have people that are still
checking to see my progress and emailing me to make sure i am all right.
Perhaps there is an interest in a chronicle of me for public consumption.
If that happens, I'll post it here so no one gets lost in the shuffle.

My friend Louise finally finished her roll of film dating back to the 4th of
July parade, so I will finally have some recent pictures showing my
progress.

Kevin Fillips
Search the web
with Fillips.net

On Dad's Birthday

2004-08-07T10:40:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday Dad

When I told my parents about what happened, they wanted to rush down.
Until I knew how serious it was, I asked them to stay up there.
When I called them to come down, they dropped everything and flew down that day
I think my sister had to take care of some last minute business at their house.
She has 2 little kids of her own.

My parents rented a motel room within walking distance of the hospital, and greeted me every morning, Dad with a cup of Starbucks. They sat with me during Tornado drills, they were in the ICU when I was delirious. But when I was released they moved to Kentucky. That's right they rented a ground floor apartment for us to live in while I recovered. It was, perhaps the same size as my house, but did seem crowded for the three of us. They would have liked me to go up there right away, but I did not want to. I felt I should be near my doctors for a bit, but agreed to go up in 2 weeks.

I spent the next two weeks in "my" bedroom in their house. I felt like I was a teenager again, but with the crotchety habits of a 40 year old bachelor. I am surprised they were able to put up with me. But I think it made us closer. We shared real feelings without <>. Warts and all were exposed to one another. I always knew my parents loved me. But the knowledge was closer to faith. This experience demonstrated their love in a way, I could only hope everyone experiences. Today on his Umpteenth birthday, I wish to wish him a very happy birthday.

Dad, I love you, and I am so lucky to have you as my Father.

Kronick
aka Kevin
please stand by

The Respite of Summer

2004-08-07T10:36:00.000-04:00

It is a delightful day
cooing softly,
a dove on my driveway
Until "Bou" saw the prey.

The breeze is whispering
through the huge trees.
But its seven August.
Usually not like this.

In June we had August,
we're like weather cheaters
-- September in July
Can I now expect trick or treaters?

ungrateful not,
and, knock on wood.
I love it
this respite of summer.

Kronick
aka Kevin
please stand by

Sicks Months Ago

2004-08-05T15:48:00.000-04:00

Six months ago, I was not sure if I would be here today. Its the 6 month anniversary of my surgery. The surgeon wasted no words explaining the risk to me. During recovery, I had visions of hover-round trips to the Grand Canyon with other mobile oldsters.

But that was not to be. Not only am I alive and kicking, I even kick back. I have a strong lead on quite possibly the perfect job for me. The job is being created, and their needs fit my skills almost to a tee. I am almost as strong as I was before. My only complaint is I get tired. Now, who doesn't get tired? It is a small complaint. It reminds me of my grandmother that got all winded hauling rocks. Then complained she was sore. She was about 85 at the time. What are you going to do when the dump the landscaping rocks on the "wrong part" of the lawn?

My medication regimen is working well, but the Dr is upping some of them. My blood pressure has been creeping up. It is still low by your so-called normal standards, but they want mine to be lower than that. I have heard stories of other people with congestive heart failure, actually haveing water seep out of their legs, or having "drains" attached to their lungs. I am very lucky. I hope the end-stage heart failure symptoms are a long way off.

Summer has snuck by. Here it is already August. before I know it, I'll be raking leaves. August is historically the hottest month in Kentucky. I have noticed I am pretty heat sensitive. I used to hate the cold. To be honesy, I think I prefer the Mama Bear, Just Right, settings. Not too hot -- not too cold. I guess in the USA that means San Diego. I was there once during a "heatwave" and it got in the 80s!

Kronick
aka Kevin

Paraphrasing Dr. Gurly's Letter to Dr. Cowan

2004-07-31T12:02:00.000-04:00

My recovery is coming along nicely.

Functional Capacacity is better than expected.

Cardiac Rehabilitation shows steady progress.

Seems to be able to perform all daily living activities with no cardiovasular symptoms.

Blood Pressure good 109/67, HR Good 78, Respirations 14, Weight up 4 pounds.

Central Venous Pressure Normal.

Lungs are clear.

No peripheral edema.

Satisfied with current program "settings".

Recomendations

Perform echocardiogram procedure to establish new baseline (I do not have these results yet)

Increase Dosage of Beta Blockers

Increase Blood Pressure Med Dosage

Continue Cholesterol Meds

Continue Cardiac Rehab

So - Pretty good huh?

Kronick
aka Kevin

Yesterday's Doctor Visit

2004-07-28T12:26:00.000-04:00

I had a 4 month follow-up with Dr. Gurley yesterday, and my progress is good, if not remarkable. He is a man of few words, but was very happy with my progress. I asked for an echo to give me some idea if my heart is working better. It sure feels like it is. If it is not, my activity level shows otherwise. The going opinion is, if I feel great, and can do stuff, the numbers really do not matter. Would I rather have 100 percent but be bedridden or a shut in? Na ga da. I will have more information to provide soon. I just wanted to get this up asap. I would have done it yesterday, but the day at the clinic exhausted me. I took a 2 hour nap last evening.

My implant keeps a record of about everything I do. I honestly would not be surprised if it keeps track of my numbers one and two. With the monitor on, it spat a report out that looked like it could be 10 pages. It created a graph of my activity level since it was installed, and it showed a constant upward trend. It record my heart rate spikes, and the highest was still just the high end of cardio target heart rate.

Speaking of which, has anyone seen the new Todd Oldham line of La-z-boy's. They are part of my dream room. He used to sell things at Target, I guess he's gone down town.

An issue with my heart is that the upper and lower parts were not in synch and prior to the ICD. My upper chamber was pretty much doing all the pumping. The lower part, was just squishing along trying to keep up. Currently with my state of the art, 3-wire, ICD (N'sync model if you are keeping score) can pace the upper and lower chambers independently. My upper chamber is pumping itself, 97% of the time, with only 3% paced. The lower is another story. It is paced 97% of the time, with 3% on its own. I may be a bit off in my percentages, but then again, some people say I am a bit off 87% of the time anyway. That is part of the reason I asked for my results in letter form. I have a hard time remembering all the figures. I listen for words like "good" and "expected" and "better than anticipated" all which I heard yesterday. When I get the letter, I will update the stats, and delete this disclaimer. I can feel the pacing, when I am in a relaxed reclining position. Specifically when I am vegging in front of the TV in the Goodwill La-z-boy.

On a personal note, I have written a series of humorous articles for publication. They are actually not about my health issues. If anyone has any publications, send a self addressed stamped envelope to..... No seriously they have been accepted by a new start up. I'll post more infor when I get them.

So to update:

I am doing fine. More later.
My Implant is more busy than Gladys Kravitz, of Bewitched, keeping track of me.
I like La-Z-boys. (this will not be on the test)
You can officially call me a writer.

###

Kronick
aka Kevin

A good thing

2004-07-24T10:45:00.000-04:00

I am being very philosophical as I watch my classic movie marathon on TV. I had been taping 4 star classics for quite a while, with the well intentioned plan to watch them. Well, a "take it easy weekend" seems like the perfect time to catch up.

I already thought about becoming complacent. This "scare" has reminded me that I'll be living like this the rest of my life. Sure I have started to feel like Superman. The rest of my body has responded to the cardio workouts very well. I have no way of knowing how my heart has responded until Tuesday. I called the Dr's. office yesterday, requesting a battery of tests. Social Security is even going to pay for them. The last test I had showed "no change" officially, but I know my heart function had almost doubles. But since my baseline was so low, who can really tell. What if the margin of error in estimation was 5%? 3%. when you are dealing numbers as small as 12 that can make a big difference.

So, this weekend, I am watching classic movies from the 50s and 40s. Movies I've meant to watch, movies that I fell asleep during and moves recommended to me are all on the list. My faithful pup is right beside me. TC, the older one, trusts we have it under control.

Kronick
aka Kevin

Relapse?

2004-07-24T08:17:00.000-04:00

I had been feeling pretty tired all week. Sure, its been hot and humid, but it may be more. Friday I had gained enough weight to wonder if I was retaining fluid again. I talked to the nurse, and she said if I have shortness of breath this weekend, I need to go to the ER. I have not had shortness of breath. I have an appointment with my Cardiologist on Tuesday.

I have to say, I suspected something may be wrong when I wrote my last post. The weight gain added to my suspicion. Friday I backed off on my workouts. This weekend, I am getting lots of rest. I am on wait and see, per the nurse's advice.

In a way its good that I have had this scare. I was getting a little complacent about my diligence. I am watching my sodium and fat, but not counting anymore. My cupboard pretty much only has low sodium foods in it. So its not like I have been snacking on fatback.
‡

Kronick
...but still Feelin' Better, Stronger, Faster
Second Hand Smoke free since February 2004
... to infinity, and beyond!
[three point oh]

Just when you think it's safe to go back in the water.

2004-07-22T22:21:00.000-04:00

I don't know if its the heat or what. I have been exhausted this week. I noticed my workouts were a bit more rough on Tuesday, but nothing to mention. Yesterday I wqas in a hot kitchen putting up 16 jars of pickles. 3 different kinds of brine, and 2 different kinds of vegetables. Thats when I truly exhausted myself. It is probably the closest I have had to a day's work since this all started. It about wore me out. When I finished at 6, I did not even feel like making dinner.

That sounds familiar - maybe I am back to normal

Anyway, this morning we had a huge storm, and I slept in. I have been sluggish all day. I was ready for bed by 9:30. It is humid as can be. I think that's it. I am not trying to alarm anyone, I just need to put this in print to remind myself to respect my limits, and pay attention to my body. I am this close to the point when patients get so used to the medications and treatments working, they think they don't need them anymore. I am aware of this phenomenon and will not succumb to the trap. I may joke and complain about my pills, but I also associate them with the good health I have felt lately. So no need to worry about the patient doctoring himself.

‡

Kronick
...but still Feelin' Better, Stronger, Faster

Second Hand Smoke free since February 2004
... to infinity, and beyond!
[three point oh]

More on Beta Blockers.

2004-07-20T13:17:00.000-04:00

Also about beta blockers. Some time ago, I had some shortness of breath.
At the time I did not have a regular doctor. I made an appointment, after
calling "ask-a-nurse". He did not find anything, and sent me off to the
premier cardiology practice in Lexington. I did a stress test and a battery
of others. Inconnclusive results were found, but they he did prescribe beta
blockers. I remember beta blockers as being hard to understand. I was
about 31 and did not want to be stuck taking a pill evry day for the rest of
my life, especially since I did not even understand what they were for.
Ironically later on, I started taking 3 vitamin pills every day. I
currently take 9 in the morning, and 4 more at night.

I wonder though, was there something there, that they did not want to alarm
me over in case it was nothing? I was aware of my murmur or odd baseline.
I am not going to turn this into an excercise in woulda-coulda-shoulda
(WSC).

I also was certain i did not have early heart disease in my family. My Dad
is healthy, my Grandfather's heart problems were late in life. But when I
was in the hospital, I was told byh my dad of his uncle, and reminded of my
own uncle on my mother's side. Had I been answering yes to that risk factor
back then, would I have been given more information about my own risks.
Again, I am not trying to WSC myself, but it is something I wonder.

###

Kevin

Beta Blockers

2004-07-20T10:57:00.000-04:00

I am on quite a few medications. When I go in to pick one up, my pharmacist now greets me by name. Last time, he even directed the clerk to the file under F instead of P. But one of the most confusing drugs I am on is the Beta Blocker.

HeartCenterOnline For Patients - Study backs beta-blocker use for heart failure: "The drugs work by blocking beta-adrenergic substances, helping relieve stress on the heart, slowing the heart beat, lessening the force with which the heart muscle contracts and reducing blood vessel contraction in the heart, brain, and throughout the body. They are commonly used to treat high blood pressure and angina and to prevent a recurrence of heart attack."

Have I said it all?

2004-07-16T10:34:00.000-04:00

I've been pretty quiet this past week. The original intent of this blog was to keep people up to date on my condition. I am in a "success holding pattern" right now. Not a plateau per se, but not much is changing. I did not want to fill this with the minutai of my life. I have small talk at cocktail parties for that. I have an appointment with my cardiologist in eleven days. I expect big news then. For now, I am rebuilding my body. Excercising and nourishing it. Trying to get my life back to "normal". Even if it is a new normal. I am looking for work.

I've also been writing. A friend of mine is starting a magazine, and she asked me to write an aritical/column. I've written three or four so far. The magazine has not been published, but it is underway. As it turns out, I am the only person that has made deadlines so far.
‡

Kronick
...but still Feelin' Better, Stronger, Faster
Second Hand Smoke free since February 2004
... to infinity, and beyond!
3♥0[three point oh]

NYTimes.com Article: David Bowie Has Emergency Heart Surgery

2004-07-09T22:05:00.000-04:00

The article below from NYTimes.com

David Bowie is now a fellow heart patient. Best of luck David.

‡

Kronick
...but still Feelin' Better, Stronger, Faster
Second Hand Smoke free since February 2004
... to infinity, and beyond!
[three point oh]

David Bowie Has Emergency Heart Surgery

July 9, 2004
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

LONDON (AP) -- Musician David Bowie underwent an emergency
angioplasty to open a blocked heart artery in Germany and
is recuperating, his spokesman said Friday.
---------------------------------

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Four Month Anniversary

2004-07-05T19:40:00.000-04:00

I've done the math, and realized its been 4 mos since my surgery. I am going to go out and celebrate. People on the Fourth (The third -- don't ask) could not believe how much different I look than when I got out of the hospital. I cannot believe how fast these 4 mos. Have gone by. How many changes have happened. How much better things seem to be now. Saturday I felt healthier than I did last year, healthier than I did in 2000 for that matter. Makes me wonder if I was affected somewhat even then. But it could have really been my Asthma.

###

Kevin

Independence Eve

2004-07-03T18:46:00.000-04:00

To appease the revelers and the church goers. My town moved 4th of July to Saturday this year. It happened in 1999 too. So completing the triple crown of Lexington Party events, I too went down to the "4th" of July Festival. I have a tradition of wearing my rollerblades. At least 4 years running, maybe 5. For sure I have done it in 2004, 2003, 2002, 2001 and putting it this way, I am certain I did in 2000 as well. So five it is. I've noticed the more I do things I have done before, the better I feel afterwards. A "return to normalcy", to quote Warren G Harding. I also have a tradition of wearing outlandish costumes at the parade. So I did that as well. Today's was not outlandish per se, but it did emphasize my recovery. I wore white shorts, t-shirt and a star spangled tie around my neck - and the rollerblades of course.

Something I found interesting is, in years past I did not have the energy to Rollerblade around much. I often had to park faraway, so I biked then switched into my skates. This year I skated from my truck. This year I did not get tired rollerblading around down town like I have previous years. It was the hot part of the day, so I did not over do it, but I still was on them about 3 hours. I did a little research and found that casual rollerblading burns about 285 calories a half hour that's 1710. Granted I may not have been at Target the whole time, but I bet I burned a lot of calories.

No wonder I was hungry when I got home.

Â

Kronick
...but still Feelin' Better, Stronger, Faster
Second Hand Smoke free since February 2004
... to infinity, and beyond!
[three point oh]

Graduation Day

2004-07-02T20:58:00.000-04:00

I think I mentioned that Central Baptist Hospital, Cardiac Rehab, has a graduation ceremony when someone completes the 8 week portion of the program. They have a certificate, have us wear a gown, and they play pomp and circumstance.

Â

Kronick
...but still Feelin' Better, Stronger, Faster
Second Hand Smoke free since February 2004
... to infinity, and beyond!
[three point oh]

New Work Out Schedule

2004-07-02T20:36:00.000-04:00

I am more free to go to CR when I want now, and a desire of mine is to go when it is not so crowded, yet, fits into my schedule, and allows me enough workouts per week to make a difference. That is three roughly 48 hours apart. Well, that makes Monday Wednesday and Friday the obvious choice. But it is also the busy one.
I discovered Tuesday and Thursdays are very dead. Friday afternoons are too. So here is what I did this week. Tuesday at 11:00, Thursday at 7:45 and Friday after 2:00. The Thursday and Friday one are a bit close, but there should be enough time between them to have benefit. I talked to the nurses about it.

I think I can live with this new schedule with minimal disruptions in my life. Listen, it's like I am a busy man. Not the case, officially, but unofficially, I have gotten very involved with various projects around the house. I am focusing on something other than exercise and cooking. If you read back to April 15th, you will see food dominating my life, then once I started CR, exercise started dominating my life. Once I started seeing the results of the exercise, I got the bug to move forward.

Honestly I see this productivity as a sign -- a sign that I am able to plan -- to make plans for my future. If it was not clear, I seemed to have a problem with planning ahead. Everything was the now. Some of this may have to do with do it now, before it does not get done. But I do not think so. Because I see everything I am doing, fitting into a grand plan, like never before. I have this home paradigm (a word I hate to use, blame the 90's) and just about everything I do fits into this plan. Yet, I do not feel constrained by it. It empowers me, and allows purpose in my tasks. [note to cousin Jeanne: here I go getting deep again]

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Kronick
...but still Feelin' Better, Stronger, Faster
Second Hand Smoke free since February 2004
... to infinity, and beyond!
[three point oh]

Dr Visit today

2004-06-29T17:08:00.000-04:00

As part of the process of my SSI claim, I was sent to a psychiatrist today. She confirmed my ADD and also said, and I forget the technical term for it but "OCD out the wazooo". I had been diagnosed this before. But I thought I went away. Apparently not. It explains a lot. My determination with the CR. Possibly even my determination when I was ill enough to kill a lesser man, yet I continued to work for 2 mos. I did some research on OCD and found that it comes and goes, and different things aggravate it. Traumatic events can spur it on as well. Hmmm. Any traumatic events recently. Hmmm. lemme think. Could it be.....? HEART FAILURE!?!?!

I would like to clear up something. When I think of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, I think of the movie "As good as it gets" with Jack Nicholson. I am not to that extreme. I do not have 50 lightswitch flipping needs, or germiphobia or such, but I do have patternophily. I think I made up that word, but I like things to be symmetric, I prefer to do things in a prescribed order. That could also explain why I bought into my new diet so well. It could explain why I had a sodium deficiency at first because I went at it with too much gusto.

The meeting was fairly rushed. Not that I was verbose or anything. [smile] But I think I would like to see her again. Just to finish some of the stuff we brought out. I will mention it to my counselor this week.

Kronick
...but still Feelin' Better, Stronger, Faster
Second Hand Smoke free since February 2004
... to infinity, and beyond!
[three point oh]